


Secret Husbands

by water_and_jellyfish



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Comic Book Science, Established Relationship, Fix-It, M/M, Marriage, Mpreg, Post-Season 5, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2020-02-10 07:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18655873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/water_and_jellyfish/pseuds/water_and_jellyfish
Summary: Oswald and Edward are secretly married and definitely not spending ten years in Blackgate or Arkham.





	1. Makeover

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't seen season five, I've only read reviews.  
> I don't like the idea of separating them for ten years. Did they also put in prison Mr. Freeze, Firefly, Scarecrow, Mad Hatter?  
> Was Jim like: ''Yeah, guys, I'm sorry, but the Wayne kid left Gotham and we have to wait ten years until he's back and we don't want to make him feel unneeded, so we're locking you up for those ten years and we are going to let you free when he's back, so he can play vigilante. Yes, I know we managed to fight with each other for all those years, but please, understand me.''?

It's been nearly three months since they got married. A little bit more than two years passed since Gotham was reconnected to the mainland. Oswald and Edward decided to keep their marriage secret. People not knowing about the true nature of their relationship gave them advantage in some situations. To the world they were partners in crime who shared a lot of history. In front of their henchmen, victims, other villains and gangsters they dealt with and common folks they were very professional. Sure, they were friendly to each other, but nothing more than that. People knew they were friends; they had been friends before, but they had also turned enemies at some point, right? Making people think they could make Penguin and Riddler jump down each other throats could be useful.

During this two years Oswald had put on weight and to some extent Edward could be blamed for it. He loved cooking and, Oswald, well, loved eating. Not to mention Edward's dishes were delicious.

Oswald looked in the mirror, watching carefully his curves. His clothes were getting tight on him. He sighed resigned.

''What are you doing?'' Ed raised his eyebrow.

''I think it's high time I went on a diet,'' Oswald patted his stomach.

Ed came closer, stood behind Oswald and wrapped his arms around his husband. ''I don't see the reason why would you need to do that,'' he kissed Oswald's cheek.

''Oh, please, don't pretend you don't see that! I've got one working eye and I see it! Unless those glasses of yours are useless...''

''With my glasses I've got pretty good sight, thank you for your concern,'' Ed placed his head on Oswald's shoulder.

''My clothes are too tight, Ed!'' Penguin cried.

''Then get the new ones,'' Riddler shrugged.

Oswald rolled his eyes, one blue and one green. When he first got his eye prothesis, Edward was surprised why Oswald chose blue color instead of green. Why he chose to have mismatched eyes? Why make everyone see his scar? He never told Oswald he felt pang of guilt when he looked into his eyes, that he was constantly reminded about Oswald's sacrifice. But after some time Ed grew to love those mismatched eyes, the proof of Oswald's undying love.

''If that will make you feel better about your body, I don't mind you getting chubby,'' Ed hummed into Oswald's ear. ''Truth be told, I like it,'' he rubbed bird's belly.

Penguin chuckled lightly. ''Don't be ridiculous,'' he kissed Ed.

''I am not. In the fact, I've got an idea,'' he grinned. ''You could use a makeover!''

''What are you know? A fashion designer?'' Oswald placed his hands on Ed's hands.

''I can be whatever you want,'' Ed smiled maniacally with this kind of smile reserved for his happy moments with Oswald. ''I just need a tailor to take your measures and to sew those clothes.''

''Are you going to tell me what do you plan to dress me in?'' Oswald said with playful tone.

''No, it's a surprise,'' Ed kissed Oswald's ear.

Penguin broke their embrace and took a good look at Riddler. ''You know what? You could use some redesign too. Not that your image is bad, but for a one of the kings of Gotham your clothes could be more...'' Os hesitated for a moment, looking for the right word. ''… fancy.''

''We are going to look glorious, like the kings of Gotham deserve to.''

''I bet we are,'' Oswald tilded his head slyly. ''But I'm not telling you about my idea if you decided to keep your secret,'' Penguin warned.

''Alright, I like the element of surprise,'' Riddler clapped his hands. ''I'll call a tailor, then.''

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later their new clothes were ready. Ed gave Oswald neatly packaged purple tuxedo, grey vest, white shirt, purple tie and trousers with top hat and a monocle on top of that.

''I thought about accessories to complete you new look,'' Ed explained.

''You always think about every detail, don't you?'' Oswald smiled in a way that only Ed would call shy. ''But don't worry, I thought about those, too,'' Oswald handed long green coat with question marks printed all over it, dark tie with question mark, dark shirt, green sparky trousers and a vest with the addition of green glasses.

They went to the separate rooms and changed their clothes.

''What do you think?'' Ed came out and stroke a pose.

''Well, I was about to ask you the same question, but I wanted to ask you what do **you** think about your new clothes. You are supposed to tell me whether you like it!''

''Do I like it? Oh, Oswald, I couldn't think about better makeover! You were right, my old style was too plain. Now the Riddler will shine like he ought to,'' Ed slowly ran his hand from pointing at his head to pointing at his feet. After so many years of their relationship (with many changes it has undergone) Oswald was still amused how Ed switched between his Riddler and well... Ed persona. ''What about you?'' Ed really hoped Oswald would like it, after all Oswald's new image was heavily inspired by certain hallucination. At some point he told Oswald he had missed him when he had thought Oswald had been dead and he had hallucinated him, but never mentioned that moment. He wondered for a moment if he could get Oswald to sing the song he sang in his vision. That would a kind of show he would enjoy a lot.

''Ed, it's perfect,'' Oswald helplessly patted his thighs. ''Very classy. That monocle is rather nice addition,'' Penguin ran his hand through his hair. ''The only problem is my hair. This hairstyle doesn't suit it.''

''I knew you would like it!'' Ed said victoriously. ''What about styling your hair the way you did during your mayor campaign?''

Oswald shook his head in a surprise and then hit his forehead with his palm. He did it slightly, more for the sake of gesture. ''Why I haven't thought about this before? What I would do without you?''

''I'm sure you would manage somehow,'' Riddler grinned.

''We need to think about grand occasion to show our new images to the world. We can't do it without bang! We've got to show them who rules Gotham!''

''Yes!'' Ed laughed, he loved good drama and Oswald knew it.

 


	2. Iceberg Lounge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They changed their style, now it's time to redesign the Iceberg Lounge.

Oswald drummed his fingers on the table as he and Edward were eating breakfast. He rested his head on the other hand and looked in no particular direction with pensive expression.

''You know, Ed? I've been thinking,'' he took a sip of his coffee.

Ed put some jam on his slice of bread. ''About?''

''Many things: us, Iceberg Lounge, Jim and his GCPD, our business,'' he stopped for a moment and added after a while ''Mostly about us. Since we decided to refresh our looks, I thought Iceberg Lounge should be redesigned too.''

''Then do it if you want to,'' Ed shrugged biting his sandwich.

''Ah,'' Oswald smiled confused. ''I hoped you would help me with this.''

''It's your club, Os. Sure, I come there often, but it's still yours.''

Oswald moved uneasily in his chair, opened and closed his mouth several times and gestured some circles in the air with his hands – a sign of typical Penguin's rant when he was misunderstood. ''Only formally. In reality, you are as much owner as am I. We are married, dear. Don't forget about it.''

''No one knows about it,'' Ed crossed his arms.

''Except for officiant, witnesses and maybe Olga if she cares about what's happening at all.''

Ed chuckled. ''I don't think she cares.''

''Neither do I,'' Oswald smiled.

''She doesn't give a damn why I spend most of the week in the mansion as long as I don't disturb her,'' Ed drank from his mug.

''Or why do we sleep in the same bedroom. I've got to admit it, she is probably my very best employee.''

''Not that she has a lot of competition. Your people are morons,'' Ed frowned.

''Like most people of Gotham,'' Oswald shrugged innocently. ''Unlike you, Ed. I'd like you to help me. You have got good taste, we can refresh Iceberg Lounge together. We can make it look more like us than like me. Please, Ed, it's important to me.''

''More like us?'' Ed sent an asking look. ''Oswald, we agreed on separating our properties, at least some of them. We didn't want others to find out,'' Ed looked saddened. ''I don't want Gordon to find too many ties connecting us. He could use it against us.''

''Jim won't outsmart us, you know that. All this time he is trying to prove the usefulness of GCPD, but I think he is the only person who actually believes in that. His own wife has got illegal clinic for lowlifes. Mother of his child is ex-criminal. That's how GCPD and Jim's law useful is.''

Ed fixed glasses on his nose. ''That doesn't mean we should underestimate him.''

''Of course. But look, how much time do you spend in your apartment? You go there once, maybe twice a week. We only keep your apartment for misdirection's sake. You live here with me, we often discuss our plans in **our** office in Iceberg Lounge and our dear commissioner is still clueless as one can be. Believe me, I would have heard if he had tiniest idea what's going on between us. Besides,'' Oswald pointed his index finger at ceiling. ''We can cover up renovation of club rather easily. I believe there was a time you talked about business partnership?''

Ed sighed heavily. ''It was a long time ago and you know that wasn't my intention.'' Who would think after so many years they would still feel awkward talking about Isabella stuff. But going from strangers to friends to enemies to friends to lovers to married couple is not a common thing.

''Yes, I know,'' Penguin said chewing his breakfast. ''But the idea is not bad at all.''

''It would explain why do we spend so much time together,'' Ed grinned. ''Except for scheming.''

''See? Partners in crime, partners in business, partners in life,'' Oswald smirked.

''Alright, but I insist we keep three offices: one for both of us, one for you and one for me. If we want to keep the facade, we can't work on everything together. Besides your henchmen might not like it or start having ideas.''

''Alright. If that's your price,'' Oswald nodded.

''When do we get to work?'' Riddler spoke in his deep voice and Penguin felt creeps on his back. He loved everything about Nygma, Ed switching his personas back and forth excited him. Oswald didn't think of it as some kind of problem, especially now that Ed had come to terms with himself and it wasn't distracting him or leading him to self-loathing any longer.

* * *

 

Renovation took some time, which surely upset some people of Gotham – Iceberg Lounge was very popular club. Advantage of closing it for a month was customers' thirst and even greater interest in their club. Oswald made sure to let a lot of journalists in, he loved those flashes. Edward and Oswald stood proudly in their newest clothes, Penguin leaning on his cane. Ed looked at him and smiled, both of them were content with the result of their work. The Lounge was rather dark, with black floor and walls, ice sculptures (courtesy of Mister Freeze after bargaining him with lots of cash) nicely illuminated, some of them were penguin-shaped, neon purple umbrellas and neon green question marks on the walls. Classy, elegant, yet very Penguin-and-Riddler-esque.

''As you can see, the design of Iceberg Lounge has changed. You have probably noticed penguins, umbrellas and question marks,'' Oswald started. ''The new outlook is justified. I am truly thrilled to announce that I am no longer the sole owner of the Iceberg Lounge. From now on it is also the property of my dearest friend, Edward Nygma,'' Oswald raised his glass and looked at Edward, who did the same. ''To our partnership!''

Ed smiled, he liked watching Os give speeches. ''To our partnership.'' He really had to fight the urge to kiss Oswald right then. It would ruin everything. On the other hand he would enjoy reading newspapers writing about them.

''Well, it looks like you are never going to retire,'' they heard familiar voice.

''If you feel old, you can retire, Jimbo. We surely don't feel that way,'' Ed looked at Jim Gordon.

''I guess congratulations are in order, you own now rather popular club, Ed. I always thought you were about riddles and not about running a club.''

''Oswald insisted,'' Ed played with a glass in his hand.

''It seemed natural to share with Ed the Iceberg Lounge after receiving so much help from him,'' Oswald smiled at Ed.

''Generous Oswald Cobblepot. Hm, the world is changing,'' Jim took his drink. ''No chance you two are going to change your villainous ways?''

Ed chuckled.

''You can dream about it, Jim,'' Oswald hit the ground with his cane.

''Congrats on new design of the Lounge, I hope you'll continue to be pain in commissioner's ass,'' Selina passed by raising her glass at Edward and Oswald.

''Aren't you too young to drink?'' Jim asked, but she was gone before he could catch her.

''I don't know, Jim. I don't ask ladies about their age,'' Penguin shrugged like this was none of his business.

''It's impolite, you should know it,'' Ed smirked.

''Oh, there you are! My two favourite and most hated villains in the city!'' Barbara greeted them. ''By the way, I love your new clothes.''

''Thank you, miss Kean. I knew you'd appreciate it. Care for a drink?'' Oswald offered.

''As long as it is not poisoned I can't say no to some alcohol. So! I see you caught Jim,'' she wrapped her arms around Jim's shoulders.

''I would say he caught us, again,'' Ed sipped from his glass.

''I think I should look for Harvey, he is probably getting drunk somewhere here,'' Gordon excused himself.

''I see you shared your kingdom with our famous Riddleman, Pengy,'' Barbara leant against the bar. Ed rolled his eyes at his nickname, he didn't even feel like correcting her, she wouldn't call him correctly anyway.

''Well, Ed is my closest friend and he helps me with the club, so I thought it woud be fair to share it with him.''

''I think Oswald will manage most of Lounge stuff anyway, he much better at it than me,'' Ed fixed his glasses.

''Oh, don't be so modest,'' Oswald patted Ed's shoulder.

''You commit crimes together, you own club together, I don't wanna know what else you two do together,'' she put empty glass on bar in order to have it filled. ''But, no,'' she whispered smiling mischievously. ''I do wanna know, if something happens, tell me,'' she took now full glass and walked away.

''If anyone finds out, it's going to be Barbara Kean,'' Oswald noted.

''Agreed.''

''I'm really happy to share it with you, Ed. Share it officially,'' Penguin looked his husband into eyes. ''I want you to know how much it means to me. You are my equal and I want everyone to know it. I want to treat you as my equal.''

''You do treat me as equal, Os,'' Ed gave him a confused look.

''Sometimes...'' he sighed. ''Sometimes I feel I don't treat you the way you deserve to be treated.''

''And I feel you are just trying too much,'' Ed gave him reassuring smile. ''You don't have to do all this things. I know, Oswald.''

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Oswald's gestures are important part of his behaviour and I'm trying, but I have problems with describing it. I'm sorry and I hope you get the idea.


	3. Betrayal

In the dark room in some kind of warehouse there was a man tied up to a chair. He looked terrified at man in front of him. He turned his face just to get away from this man as much as he could.

''You know what? I understand you. I really do,'' Oswald slowly nodded his head like he had sympathy for tied up man. ''I've started just like you – humble no one, umbrella boy, slowly crawling his way to the top. Betraying crime lords, playing their games, escalating their wars. But I was stronger than you, you see. I knew their secrets and I knew how to trade them.''

''I don't know what are you talking about! I swear! Boss, I would never betray you!'' man begged.

Oswald hit him with his gun.

''You've been spying! Don't try to fool me!'' Oswald screamed. ''You've shared some information with Zszasz. You should know better not to trust him, he will kill you before you can even blink.''

''No... I didn't...'' man started, but Penguin silenced him quickly.

''Shhh...'' Oswald put finger to his lips. ''I do the talking and you shut the fuck up!'' he broke his victim's leg with his cane. Pained scream escaped victim's mouth. ''I told you to shut up!'' Oswald reminded and man slowly nodded, avoiding Penguin's gaze. ''Where did I stop? Ah, right, Zsasz. I know that our last misfortune with weapon trade was Freeze's doing and I bet you worked with him with that sabotage. I respect that, but truth be told, Freeze is not that important player. He's more useful for small favours. But there is one thing I cannot forgive you. You schemed with Nygma to betray me!''

''What?...'' tied up man send Oswald confused look and Penguin rolled his eyes.

''For God's sake, has everyone forgotten Ed's real name? Edward! Nygma! The Riddler! You wanted to kill me! After everything we came through he still wants to take his revenge on me. He wants to take my kingdom away from me, although I willingly share it all with him. That's what friends are good for!'' Penguin was yelling, but it looked like he was going to sit on that floor and start crying, anger mixed with regret and hurt feelings. He sniffed. ''Why can't I have anyone close to me? Why do I have to be alone?'' he twitched his fingers, clenched right fist and covered his mouth with it, trying not to cry.

''I didn't work with the Riddler! I didn't know he tried to bertay you,'' victim said with trembling voice.

''Liar!'' Oswald screamed.

* * *

 

Oswald was walking nervously around mansion, letting a swear from time to time. He was clearly vexed with something. Penguin's rants were normal things for someone who knew him even a little bit, but Ed was getting tired with this one. Oswald's yelling could really be irritating.

''Are going to tell me what has happened?'' Edward asked feeling that if he doesn't stop Oswald, he is going to get headache.

''What? Has? Happened?!'' Penguin yelled. ''I'll tell you what has happened! I have a mole!''

''That's it?'' Ed raised an eyebrow, he was expecting something worse.

''A mole, Ed! One of my men is a mole! Someone is telling other gangs about our plans, they could be even spying for Gordon!''

''You act like it is the first time it happened, Ozzie. Calm down,'' Ed put his hands on Oswald's arms to stop him for a moment. ''How many moles have we had? A lot. And certainly we know how to deal with them.''

''The problem is, this time I don't even know who could it be!'' Oswald clenched his fists. ''I've learnt my lesson and I hire Victor Zsasz only when it is a necessity. He is everybody's and nobody's man. Someone would probably have gotten rid of him by now if he wasn't such a professional he is. And I don't work with Selina. Just as Ivy said – she would betray anyone for good price. Speaking of Ivy, I left her alone with her green zone, that's all she cares about. She's probably still mad at me.'' Penguin got lost in his thoughts for a moment. ''No, it has to be someone unimportant, unnoticeable like I was as Fish's umbrella boy. Someone who is everyone's and nobody's ally. Heh,'' Oswald let short half-sigh, half-laughter. ''I know it all too well. That's why that person won't outsmart me!''

''I don't think you were unnoticeable as umbrella boy. You always were rather stunning figure,'' Ed smiled.

''Oh, please,'' Os rolled his eyes.

There was a spark in Riddler's eyes. Something he could take part in. Oh, excitement.

''Since we know how they work, we can easily beat them. You played that game and you won. But this time you are on the other side of the chessboard. You can predict their next move, you know what would you have done. You've smuggled secrets from one crime lord to the others, right?''

''Yeah,'' Oswald shrugged.

''You've worked with GCPD when needed,'' Riddler went on.

''And I haven't gotten a single 'thank you' for all I've done for them,'' Oswald crossed his arms.

''You've changed allies often.''

''What is your point, exactly?'' Oswald lost his patience.

''What if we gave them faux ally?'' Riddler put his index finger right in front of Penguin's nose.

''I'm assuming you are supposed to be this faux ally? How do you want to find this mole, may I ask?''

''Leave a gossip here and there that Riddler wants to get rid of Penguin and it is going to do the rest. I'm going to step in right on time and contact that person. And it's done,'' Riddler rubbed his hands like he was cleaning them.

''And how to you want to convince them that you are against me?'' Oswald put his fists on his hips.

''We've been allies and then enemies many times. It is easy to believe I want to betray you again. Besides,'' Riddler whispered gently into Penguin's ear. ''I can be very convincing.''

* * *

 

Riddler walked in some dark alley and took a look at man standing in front of him.

''Jack?'' he asked. ''One of Penguin's people?''

''Ye-es, Mister Riddler,'' man stuttered.

''I've heard you were working on making your name bigger,'' Riddler noted.

''I can explain this, this is sort of misunderstanding,'' Jack tried to stop the man in green from coming closer.

''Don't worry. We may have common goal. Getting rid of that emperor bird.''

''The rumours are true? You are standing against Penguin? It's very risky, he has spies everywhere.''

''Those are not the rumours.'' Riddler straightened his suit. ''I can sneak up on you or be right in front of you without you knowing. But when I reveal myself you will never be the same. What I am?'' Riddler asked.

''What?'' Jack asked.

''Answer the riddle,'' Riddler ordered.

''A cat? No,'' he thought for a moment. ''A shadow?''

Riddler sighed resigned. Why nobody could answer his riddles correctly?

''A betrayal. Oswald betrayed me a long time ago and I still haven't made him pay for it. Given a chance he will betray me first.''

 _''God, does anyone even believe this?''_ Ed stood next to Jack and looked at Riddler. He clearly was amused by Riddler's words. _''Oswald would betray us first? He never could. In the fact, before he killed Isabella, we betrayed him first by not coming to the dinner.''_

Riddler gave Ed reprimanding look. ''Not now,'' he cleared his throat. ''Anyway, I've heard you traded some favours with Zsasz and Freeze. You are ambitious, good. Young, ambitious people are needed.''

''What are we going to do with Penguin?''

''Kill him,'' Riddler spouted with angered expression.

''Alright, but how?''

''We'll meet again tomorrow. The same place at 9 p.m. I have to plan our actions,'' Riddler walked away. When he was far enough he spoke. ''Why are you complaining? At least Oswald gave us something more interesting to do.''

 _''I'm not complaining,''_ Ed said. _''Just marveling how could anyone believe that. Our bird would do anything for us.''_

''It's enough if the lie is convincing. And it seems he took the bait.''

_''Wouldn't we do anything for Oswald?''_

''Undeniably and unconditionally we would.''

* * *

 

''Liar!'' Oswald screamed.

Loud, well-paced steps could be heard in the warehouse. They were followed by slow clapping. Tall man in a bowler hat came out of shadows.

''Riddler?'' Jack asked shocked.

''A+ acting, Oswald,'' Riddler praised his husband. ''If I didn't know you better, I would have wept for you.''

Oswald raised both eyebrows and beamed with smile, content to hear compliment. ''Thanks, honey. I'm doing my best.''

Jack unsurely stared at both of them, not really knowing what to make out of what was he seeing.

''As I told you,'' Oswald spoke to Jack. ''I had known their secrets. You don't win wars if you don't know your enemy weakness, secrets. You thought you could outsmart me?! Please, I know this game better than you. To win it you have to make an alliance so strong no one could ever stop you. You surely can't make alliance, you haven't properly checked your newest ally.''

''Told you your people are just bunch of idiots. What do we do to him?'' Ed asked and kissed Penguin's cheek.

''And what do you have in mind? Do you perhaps still own one of those small fancy guillotines?'' Oswald wondered.

''I like it when you are murderous,'' Ed smiled with madness on his face.

Jack understood what Penguin was talking about when he talked about secrets and alliances. Too bad he haven't thought about it before. There was no way of making amends or pleas. Riddler and Penguin were much closer than anyone supposed. Had he known before, he would have worked with this information, but now it was too late. All he could do now was wait for short yet painful future.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments would be appreciated. :)


	4. Anniversary

Ed knew Oswald behaved weirdly for last several days and being the smartest man in Gotham, he knew why. Tomorrow they are going to celebrate their first anniversary. Edward was quite curious what has Oswald prepared for him. Bless his nonflying bird, but Ed thought that trying to cover up his gift didn't make sense – Ed knew Oswald wouldn't forget about such an important day. On the other hand, Edward had quite few ideas how to surprise his husband and some of them depended on Penguin's decision. He could ask Oswald about his plans, but it would destroy Penguin's mood. Besides, it was not very subtle way. Ed didn't want to upset him, so he decided to wait.

''Ed!'' Oswald called.

''Yes?'' Ed went to meet his husband.

''Oh, there you are!'' Penguin said joyfully. ''Eddie,'' he took Edward's hand in his own. ''Tomorrow we will have been married for a year.''

Ed smiled softly. ''I know, Oswald. How could I forget?''

''I want you to know how happy I am. This year has been the best time in my life. And look at us! Despite our ups and downs we are here,'' he cupped his partner's face and looked him into eyes. ''Ed, I love you so, so much.''

Edward kissed Oswald's lips and caressed his cheek. ''I love you too, Ozzie. It took me some time to realise that, I know,'' he shook his head with a smile on his face. ''But marrying you was the best decision in my life.''

Oswald hugged him tightly, buring his face in Ed's chest. He always was the first one to initiate a hug. Ed stroked Penguin's black hair. Sometimes Ed wished they could show themselves as a couple instead of hiding. That they could go to the restaurant or cinema, hold hands and share kisses, be normal about this. That they could also bicker like a married couple in public places. Ed gave it a second thought and realised that sometimes they had their little tiffs in front of Oswald's employees or in front of GCPD, but no one seemed to care about it.

''I've got something for you,'' Oswald said.

''Oh, is that so?'' Ed pretended to look surprised.

''Yes, my love. I bought us tickets for tomorrow's play in Gotham theatre. Shakespeare,'' Penguin added. ''I hope you don't have any other plans for tomorrow evening.''

''Great, I love shakespearian dramas! I see you finally decided to get yourself more cultured,'' Ed joked and Oswald sighed. ''Don't worry, I have something prepared for you as well,'' Oswald's plan worked pretty well with one of Edward's ideas.

''I can't wait to see it,'' Oswald admited.

''Then you have to wait, it is going to be a surprise,'' Ed said in mock-conspiracy tone.

''Come on! That's not fair!'' Os cried.

* * *

 

Oswald and Edward excused themselves earlier from the Iceberg Lounge. They put on their best smokings, but Oswald kept his purple tie and Ed wore his question-marked tie. They decided to look smart, but this time not too bright. Oswald had his blush and eyeshadows put on – very subtle yet charming.

''Ready?'' Edward asked.

''Just a sec, Ed!'' Oswald walked down the stairs.

Ed gave him his arm, so he could take it like couples do.

''Oh, please. We can't go like this. Even if I wanted to.''

Ed grinned. ''I know, but it was worth seeing your reaction.''

Oswald let his arms loose. ''Let's just go, shall we?''

* * *

 

It was Macbeth. They watched the first three acts. Ed was happy to see Oswald enjoyed it as well. For sure he liked numerous murders and schemes. Also betrayal and lack of faithful allies was something Oswald knew too well. Penguin wondered which character was most similar to him. Was it Macbeth? No, Oswald decided. Macbeth needed a push to take the power for himself, while Oswald always has been ambitious, he didn't need some prophecy or encouragement from his spouse. For sure he wasn't Lady Macbeth, who was the brains, but remained in the shadows.

Before fourth act came, Ed got up. ''I'll be back in a minute. Behave yourself, alright?''

''Have I ever misbehaved?'' Penguin smirked.

Minutes passed and Edward wasn't coming back. Oswald wondered where had he gone. Probably he was preparing his surprise. He jumped in his seat, he was really eager to see what has Edward prepared for him. The curtain raised. Witches appeared and in the middle of the stage... the Riddler in his full Riddler suit. The audience gasped and Oswald smiled proudly.

''Hm, that's why it took him so long,'' Penguin thought.

Oswald wasn't surprised that much, it was so Riddler. Riddler raised his head dramatically and smiled mischievously. When the lights where spot on him, he spoke. ''Am I bad when I'm forgotten. When I'm fifty, I am golden. What am I?''

Oswald huffed. He never was good at riddles, but this one was far too obvious. Ed (or maybe Riddler, or maybe both of them?) was going easy on him. ''Oh, Ed. Oh, Riddler,'' he spoke softly.

Riddler escaped quickly. Oswald was sure people have called the police as theatre's security ordered to evacuate the audience. Penguin looked around and left the crowd. Ed opened up the one of side doors and smiled at Oswald.

''How you liked my little surprise?'' he asked.

Penguin grabbed Riddler's arms. ''It was lovely. But I don't think we should talk about our anniversary openly.''

''They won't know. Even if they guess the riddle. Let's go home, I've got more gifts for you,'' he whispered in Penguin's ear.

''Really? What are we waiting for then?''

* * *

 

Several minutes later Jim, Harvey and Lucius entered the theatre.

''What has happened here?'' Jim asked one of theatre staff.

''We were playing Macbeth tonight. Then, at the beginning of fourth act Riddler appeared.''

''Victims?'' Bullock asked, taking a sip from his flask. Jim sent him reprimanding look, only to be met with silent 'why?'.

''As far as I know, none,'' woman spoke. ''Several actors were put to sleep, but doctors say they are fine.''

''Hm, weird,'' Jim scratched his mustage.

''And the riddle?'' Lucius asked.

''Excuse me?'' woman asked.

''Riddler's riddle,'' Fox prompted.

Woman wondered for a minute. ''I think it was something like: 'I'm mad when forgotten, I'm fifty golden?' Something like that.''

''Commissioner!'' a police officer called.

''Yes? What's the matter?'' Jim answered.

''I've got the riddle.''

''Thank you, ma'am, you can go now,'' Jim spoke to staff woman, who quickly walked away. ''So, how it goes?''

''Am I bad when I'm forgotten. When I'm fifty, I am golden,'' police officer quoted.

''Anniversary,'' Lucius said.

''What?'' Harvey asked confused.

''The answer is an anniversary. You see, people tend get mad when it is forgotten, therefore it turns into a bad day, instead of joyful day it is supposed to be. Fifty anniversary is golden,'' Lucius explained.

''But what would be Edward Nygma celebrating today?'' Bullock asked irritated.

''Something for sure. Ed thinks good riddle reveals the person who made it,'' Fox crossed his arms.

''We need to find out,'' Gordon decided. ''Where do we start looking?''

 


	5. Penguin is mine!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed talks with Lucius, Oswald talks with Barbara, Oswald and Edward have got little disagreement and Harvey Bullock doesn't care.

''What he's even up to? This whole theatre incident is pretty unlike Nygma. He haven't even left any question marks! No victims, no drama,'' Harvey took a sip from a glass on Gordon's desk. ''Jim, it's very stinky case, if you asked me. Nygma is behaving weirdly,'' Bullock put back glass and placed his hands on his hips. ''I mean, he is a creep, but we know the way he works. Who knows, maybe he is controlled again?''

''We all got pretty used to his games, maybe he's trying something new?'' Jim suggested.

''He is a criminal and insane! With a kink for riddles! What new could he be trying?'' Harvey mocked him.

''He is not worse than Valeska brothers,'' Lucius scratched his cheek.

''Oh, please, don't mention them. They are the worst thing that has happened to this city. No one has brought a war to Gotham before,'' Harvey frowned.

''The city has been populated by superpowered villains for the last few years, mostly thanks to Hugo Strange. So I would argue on that,'' Jim shook his head with a smile. ''We should have had taken care of Arkham before. Not to mention the Court of Owls and Ra's al Ghul,'' he played with his mustage.

''Wanna know what's the worst thing that has happened to you? That thing on your face!'' Harvey pointed at Jim's facial hair. ''Do you seriously wanna keep that?'' Bullock almost screeched.

Jim laughed uncomfortably. ''What are you going to do Harvey? Drag me to a barber?''

''Like the hell I am!''

Lucius politely excused himself from this discussion about Jim's looks and instead decided to look for answers to the one of earlier questions.

* * *

 

He walked into the famous Iceberg Lounge. GCPD staff wasn't really welcomed here, but he knew he could talk to Ed if he wanted to. Nygma seemingly appreciated Lucius' intellect. Not that anyone would throw out someone from the GCPD, business is business after all, but a person like that the drew attention of Penguin's workers.

''I wanted to talk with the Riddler,'' Lucius informed one of guards at the door.

''What do you want from him?'' muscles asked.

Lucius sighed. Those weren't exactly the brightest minds and he could see why Ed was so frustrated. ''As I said, to talk,'' he repeated carefully. ''It's a matter of high importancy. I'm sure he will understand.''

''Alright, follow me,'' guardian ordered and Lucius obeyed. They passed area with loud music, bar and entered a back room where Edward and Oswald were sitting with their drinks, happily chatting.

''Boss, someone wants talk to you,'' guy informed.

''Are you talking to me or to the Riddler?'' Oswald asked without turning his back, but Ed did turn his back and saved their employee from some embarrassment.

''Foxy!'' he said giddily. ''How nice to see you. Come, sit down, drink with us!''

''You may go now,'' Oswald waved at the guard like he tried to get rid of some fly and the man backed off.

''No, thanks,'' Lucius turned down this offer.

''Oh, I insist. I don't want you to think I am an impolite host. Right, Oswald?''

''Ed is taking rather seriously his job here. And we don't want to discredit our clientele,'' Penguin smiled politely.

''If that's the case, yes, please. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable,'' Lucius sat down. ''But I didn't come here to drink. I wanted to discuss several things with you, Edward.''

''Is that so?'' Ed handed him a glass and Lucius nodded, either to agree with him or to thank him for alcohol. He put down his glass and started drawing circles with it.

''Your last show. In the theatre. It was pretty uncommon for you.''

''Really? Does that worry you?'' Ed raised an eyebrow.

''No, I'm just curious. I hoped you would understand. And your riddle. What anniversary should I congratulate you on?''

Needless to say, Oswald's face fell. So he knew. Damn it. Lucius Fox knew. Maybe not everything, but nevertheless, he had some information. Ed valued him for his mind, he could figure out their secret after some time. And he will, given a chance. Damn Ed, Riddler... whatever. Damn him and his riddles. Tonight Ed's sleeping on a couch.

''Someone was paying attention, huh? I was starting to worry people got tired with my games,'' Edward considered that Lucius might guess the riddle. He knew he most probably would. Now he had to play down this. He could feel Oswald's cold stare.

''Is that why you played differently this time?'' Lucius continued to play with the drink, which he could only hope was not poisoned or drugged in some way.

''Good old Jimbo send you here?'' Ed crossed his arms.

''No. He doesn't know I'm here. As I said, I am interested. I thought you would appreciate it.''

Oswald watched this ping-pong match unnerved. Fox had the audacity to walk into their club and ask those stupid questions! He clenched his fists and grimaced.

''I love inquisitive audience,'' Ed grinned widely. ''But I don't quite see what is your point. You guessed the riddle,'' he pointed at Lucius. ''Good for you! What do you want more? A showman can't tell how the whole show is going to look.''

''Your, as you call it, 'audience' are people who are trapped by you. And yes, sometimes you tell them what are you going to do.''

Ed smiled even wider. ''That's where you are wrong. Gotham is my audience. Those people are just volunteers taking part in the show.''

''I wouldn't called them volunteers. But one answer is not enough, after a question comes another,'' Lucius spoke calmly. ''What were you celebrating? What is so important? I've checked every event that had happened on that date in the past and nothing is really convincing.''

''Have you checked birthdays and deaths in his family too?'' Oswald chuckled.

''Is that all you wanted to know?'' Ed asked.

Lucius pondered for a moment. ''More less yes. I should go now,'' he declared and stood up.

''It was nice talking to you. You should come over more often, Foxy,'' Ed watched him leave.

When the door closed Oswald screeched, clenching his fists. He looked more like an eagle than a penguin at that moment. ''You told me no one was going to find out!''

''Calm down, Ozzie. He has only guessed the riddle,'' Ed tried to ignore him and his outburst.

''He's gonna investigate this!'' Penguin furiously pointed at the door. ''And you,'' he stabbed his husband with his index finger. ''were the one who insisted to keep it all secret! And you gave it away! Are you satisfied now, Edward Nygma?!''

Ed opened his mouth in a surprise. Oswald was clearly agitated. ''Oswald, I...'' he streched his arm in Oswald's direction, but Penguin got up and headed for the door.

''I'm going home. Good night, Ed,'' he said without even looking at his husband and closed the door with loud slam.

''Oswald!'' Edward called, but he knew Oswald wouldn't hear him. ''Oswald, ugh!'' he hit the table with his fist. Nervously he messed his hair, pulling them. Oswald was right. Ed had good intentions, but Oswald was right. He shouldn't be so careless about their secret. He had right to be displeased with Ed's doing.

* * *

 

Before going home, Oswald decided to soothe his nerves in some bar. When the car was passing by some decent looking one, Penguin ordered the chauffeur to stop. He took his cane, walked out of the car and entered the bar. At the bar he ordered some whisky. Not the worst one, but he had drunk better ones for sure. He sighed looking at his drink. This evening started really well, but ended terribly. They chatted about their plans and schemes and laughed about it all. They talked about past days, but only about the pleasant ones. And yesterday's anniversary was really sweet. However, Ed should have been more careful about this. What the hell was he even thinking?! He is the one to call himself the cold logical, he should be more responsible. What if Ed did it on purpose? To hurt Oswald? Oswald was too tired with his life in general to go down again that path of hurt, broken trust and betrayal. He felt his sadness overwhelm him.

''Why so morose? Cheer up, Pengy!'' Barbara Kean sat next to him.

''Not now, Barbara. I'm not in the mood,'' he murmured.

''Not in the mood for what?'' she teased.

''Talking to you. I haven't planned to meet you tonight. To be honest I have had much better plans for tonight,'' he sighed melancholically.

''Well, I haven't planned either to see your crooky nose tonight. What are you doing here anyway?'' she looked at him curiously.

''Drinking.''

''Yeah, this I can see. What else?''

''Sitting,'' he responded listlessly.

''But why are you here?''

''Not your business. Shouldn't you be taking care of your child, by the way?''

''Oh,'' she waved at this. ''Barbara Lee is with Jim and Lee tonight.''

''Are you happy with that?'' Oswald was still looking at his drink.

''Yes, pretty much. I've got night off,'' she shrugged with a grin.

''No,'' Oswald finally looked at her and gesticulated circles in air with his arms like he tried to gather thoughts. ''With your life, with Jim being with Lee, with Jim marrying Lee while you were pregnant, you know.''

''Jim is very problematic man, we all know that,'' Barbara chose her words carefully. ''We simply don't match, not the way Lee and Jim do. I could be jealous about this, but time passed and I don't really care now. Lee and I are on pretty good terms, she helped me a lot. It would never work out between me and Jim. It's the best for everyone,'' she added with faint smile. Penguin listened to her and nodded in agreement.

''So you just moved on?'' he asked.

''So I did,'' she sipped thoughtfully. Yes, she did move on with many things in her life: relationship with Jim, her criminal life, Tabitha, just to name a few.

''What if there are people who just can't, no matter how much they try?'' Oswald accented every word with the movement of his head.

Oswald processed what he had heard from Barbara. Maybe it was true also for him and Edward? They used to go back and forth between allies and enemies, they fell apart and then found each other again. Perhaps their marriage was doomed, perhaps it couldn't work out well for them.

''It's about Nygma? Is that why you are sitting here?''

''How...?'' Penguin send her asking look.

''Believe me, I know people. I was the one who told him you loved him. And I can see crystal clear that you haven't stopped after all those years. You are really bad at hiding your feelings,'' she said the last part playfully.

''Maybe I am. Ed thinks that feelings make people weaker, vulnerable. Maybe he's right,'' he looked Barbara into her eyes and she could tell how tired Penguin was.

''I wouldn't be so sure. Nygma is not exactly the person that can avoid feelings or hide them completely. He cares about you, Pengy. I'm pretty sure he has some sort of feelings for you, maybe even romantically.''

Oswald almost choked on his drink. Was it so visible? Maybe everyone knew about them and they just played their game with them?

''I think I've had enough. I should be going,'' Oswald decided to abort this discussion before it got out of hand. ''Thank you, Barbara. Good night, have fun,'' he clapped his thighs with his palms before getting up.

''Bye, Pengy,'' she turned back to her drink with a cunning smile.

* * *

 

The next day Edward and Oswald haven't talked much about their argument. Well, truth be told, they haven't talked much at all. In the fact they tried to avoid each other as much as they could. Which wasn't that much, because they had planned bank robbery for that day and they couldn't change their plans just because of their little disagreement.

Edward felt he had to apologise, clear the air somehow. While their goons were collecting the money and Penguin was assuring bank customers and employees that no harm will come to them if they remain calm, Edward spoke to Oswald. ''Oswald, I know last evening didn't go as we'd like it to, but listen, I-'' he stopped, interrupted by his other half.

''Just one more word, Edward,'' Penguin quickly turned his head to look at the Riddler and warned him, but his face dared him. He looked angry and fierce. And then he turned away like nothing has happened.

Ed couldn't stand being pushed away, ignored, underrated. He wanted to ease the situation, but Oswald kept turning his efforts down! Couldn't Oswald see he was trying to apologise? He lost his patience and pulled Penguin's elbow to keep him closer. Oswald flinched and freed his elbow from Edward's grip.

''No, listen to me now!'' Riddler ordered him. ''I know I failed and I am sorry! Alright?! But you made a mountain out of a molehill. You behave like I did something trully terrible to you. Grow up! We all sometimes make mistakes. Don't even get me started on yours,'' he chuckled with the last sentence.

''My mistakes? My?! Mistakes?!'' Penguin yelled and Ed expected to find some saliva on his face. ''You know what is my greatest mistake? Huh? No, I can't tell you!'' he stomped. ''Because! It's! Secret! But you know what? Maybe I should tell this, because everyone is going to find it out soon anyway!''

''No... You don't mean that,'' Ed said sorrowfully, Oswald's words hit him really hard. His voice sounded so broken he cursed himself for that. ''You can't mean that!'' he added with newfound rage.

''Oh,'' Penguin crossed his arms. ''Are you going to tell me know what I can and what I can't do?'' he grabbed Riddler's shirt rapidly. ''Sometimes I regret I have ever met you,'' he spit those words into Edward's face.

This was way too much for Edward. He grabbed his gun and pointed it at Oswald, who looked surprised at him then at his gun and then at him again.

''Excuse me? Are you pointing a gun at me? Again?'' Penguin pointed at the gun. ''After everything we've been through?!''

Riddler remained silent and stood like a statue.

''Ah,'' Oswald let a laugh. ''Please, Ed, I'm disappointed, you promised me a knife,'' he slapped Ed's face and shortly after felt the barrel of the gun touch his chest. He took his own gun, showed it to Edward and pointed it at him as well. ''Check.''

''GCPD!'' Harvey Bullock yelled. ''No one moves!'' he looked curiously at two criminals pointing their guns at each other during their robbery. Gotham, babe.

As soon as Ed heard the police officer, he retreated his gun and ran away, disappearing in some corner and leaving Penguin alone.

''Jim is not with you?'' Oswald decided to play down the whole situation.

''Sorry, pal,'' Bullock patted Penguin's shoulder. ''He has more important things to do,'' he shrugged. ''I would prefer he came here instead of me too. You will now come with me, Oswald.''

* * *

 

This was very very awful day, Penguin decided while he was sitting in the arrest at the police station. Nothing worked right. Their robbery? He got caught and Ed ran away. Ed... Oswald sighed. Maybe he said a bit too much. He should apologise Ed for that. Ed knew he didn't really mean what he said, right? Everyone knew Oswald was driven by his emotions and they got the best of him. He was just over-emotional, OK?

Then someone entered the police station with loud slam. It was Riddler with his gun pointed at the ceiling, so everyone could see it.

''Ed!'' Oswald grabbed bars. ''Ed! I'm sorry!'' he shouted.

''Give me Penguin and I'm gone in a minute,'' Edward demanded. Bullock approached him, trying to stop him from walking any closer.

''Sorry, pal, but that's not happening,'' Harvey waved with his bottle.

''Penguin is mine!'' Riddler requested.

''Nah,'' Harvey tiled his head. ''I don't care about this weird frenemy thing you have. That's none of my business,'' he shook his hands. ''I just wanna be left alone. If this would be up to me,'' he placed his hands on his own chest. ''I would let him out, why not? But that's not my decision and I don't wanna Jim to nag about this.''

''I wanted to do this peacefully. But when you are turning down my offer, there are not many options for me left,'' Ed said as henchmen entered the police station, pointing their guns at police officers.

''Damn you, Nygma. I hoped for a pleasant, peaceful afternoon,'' Harvey sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He didn't want to start another battle in this place. He wondered why even people still were working here, when cops have been dying quite often and the police station was the target of many assaults. He gave Ed the keys and Ed jerked to take them. He walked proudly to the arrest cage and opened it up, grabbing firmly Oswald's arm and pulling him rapidly. Then he closed the cage, much to other folks kept in there dismay.

''You're going with me, we have a lot to talk about, Oswald,'' Edward pushed him.

''You don't even know how happy I am to see you, Edward,'' Oswald smiled.

Ed left the keys on one of desks and walked out, dragging Penguin with him.

''Ouch! My leg! You should be more careful,'' Oswald reminded.

''What I am supposed to do? Carry you?'' Ed huffed.

''I wouldn't exactly say 'no','' Oswald said and they both burst with laughter.

 


	6. I don't love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess, who is back! Lots of angst this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've ever written in any fic. I could cut it into parts, but wasn't sure where to divide them. Sorry.

Edward and Oswald exchanged several looks in the limo. The whole situation was rather awkward – few hours ago they were aiming their guns at each other, because Oswald was angry Lucius could have found out something about them and Oswald got arrested and then Ed walked into GCPD like he owned the place and demanded handing him Penguin like he was his property. Alright, so much for not behaving suspiciously. On the other hand, they have fought and later saved each other countless times, so people couldn't care less, hopefully. They never discussed this kind of stuff in limo or anywhere someone could hear them – chauffeur could be easily bribed, after all. But as soon as they reached their mansion, Ed dared to speak. ''None of this would have happened if you had just accepted my apology, Oswald!''

Penguin rolled his eyes. ''Are we doing this again, Ed? Look, I said I was sorry and I am! I just got a little bit carried away, that's all.''

''A little bit?'' Edward scoffed.

Oswald sighed. ''You know my bad temper. And you know I didn't mean what I'd said,'' he looked away and added quietly. ''At least I hope so.''

Ed was about to say something, but finally decided against it. Then Olga bumped into them and gave Ed a letter, stating simply: ''Post'' and walked away.

''Thank you, Olga,'' Ed said, but doubted she even heard that.

''What's that?'' Oswald looked curiously, almost sticking his nose into envelope.

''I haven't even opened it up yet!'' Edward protectively hid letter from nosy eyes. Penguin grimaced and looked away, while Ed was reading the content of this letter. Wide smile spread across Ed's face. ''A riddle!'' he said giddily like a child.

Oswald massaged the bridge of his nose. ''Please don't tell me it's another of your psycho fans.''

''I don't know it... yet! This could be some worthy opponent for the Riddler. Finally!'' Ed clenched the letter and the excitement beamed from him.

''Yeah?'' Oswald said unamused. ''And what they say?'' he crossed his arms.

''There are instructions how to find another riddle,'' Ed smiled at his husband, seemingly having forgotten about their earlier squabble. Oswald took the letter from Edward's hands.

''Hey!'' Ed took it back while Oswald was reading it.

''Ed...'' Penguin sighed resigned. ''Don't you think this could be a trap? Come on... Who woud send a riddle to the Riddler?''

''Someone bold enough to think they could beat me in my own game!'' Ed exclaimed. ''Oswald, I need to find out who it is,'' he grabbed the bird's arms.

''No, Ed! It's too shady! Believe me, I can recognise a fraud.''

''Uh-huh,'' Edward murmured and headed towards the door.

''Ed, are you listening to me? Ed, where are you going?!'' Oswald grabbed Edward's arm in an effort to stop him.

''I'm going to get another riddle,'' he shrugged.

''Edward! Listen to me!'' Penguin ordered. ''I understand you can easily get fixated on those,'' he slapped the piece of paper. ''But aren't you the one to call himself cold logican? So think logically!'' he touched Ed's forehead with his index finger. ''It's a trap!''

''Alright, I'll be extra careful,'' Ed assured and kissed Oswald's cheek.

''Something could happen to you!'' Oswald cried trying to bargain. ''I'm going with you,'' he decided seeing that his pleads had no effect.

''Oswald, I swear I'll be fine. Stay here, I'll be home soon.''

Penguin gave up. ''But promise me to get back here and tell me what have you found. Even when there is clue for another riddle first thing you'll do is going back here. Don't chase them without me knowing that.''

''I promise,'' Ed stroked Oswald's cheek and left.

* * *

 

 _''This is child's play,''_ Riddler stood leaning against the wall. _''A message hidden in the wall, come on. I hoped it would be more interesting,''_ he stated as Edward pulled a brick out of the wall. In the space left after the brick there was a piece of paper.

''They want to meet us at the pier. But why there? I've never liked that place,'' Ed complained.

 _''We can always withdraw. They want to know if we want to meet them before they are going to give us details about the meeting,''_ Riddler suggested.

''We won't do this,'' Ed put back the piece of paper and then covered it with the brick.

 _''No, we won't,''_ Riddler grinned.

* * *

 

''What do you mean by saying you agreed to meet them?!'' Oswald yelled at Edward. ''At the pier?! Nothing good has ever happened there for any of us! I told you it was a trap! Why can't you see this now?'' Penguin placed his hands on Edward's arms and shook him furiously.

''I have yet to wait for the response. I don't even know when the meeting is going to take place. Oswald, understand, I need this, I need this kind of andrenaline rush. It keeps me going. Without the excitement things become dull and boring.''

Oswald nodded and let him go. ''One condition: I will go with you to meet that mysterious person. I am not letting you go there alone, understand?''

''Yes,'' Edward hugged his husband. ''Thank you.'' In response Oswald embraced him tighter.

* * *

 

A week later they were at the pier. Oswald curled up as the wind blew. Why this place has to be always so cold, cloudy and windy? Everything turned gray here. Gosh, he hated this place so much. Couldn't he just make Ed stay in their house? He didn't like this in a tiniest bit, but he had already told this Ed numerous times. He looked around and saw no one except them.

''See? Nobody's here. Let's go back, it's getting cold, don't you think?'' Penguin headed towards their car.

''Wait,'' Riddler tugged his arm. ''I think I saw someone.'' Oswald froze as he heard that. So someone dared to come after all? Then they heard click of heels. Feminine figure was approaching them. Edward stared at her with his eyes wide open. ''You,'' he gasped.

''Hello, Edward,'' said Isabella.

''Fuck,'' was all Oswald said. He knew it was bad idea coming here. What was she even doing here? Who brought her back? Why? Oswald was sure everyone has already forgotten about her. He never liked her and now he met her again. Nothing like meeting your husband's ex, who had been killed by you, right? They decided to bury that part of their history, never mention it, never go back to it and now their history was standing right in front of them. Simply great.

Edward blinked. How? Why now? It's been five or six years, maybe more since she died. It made sense, however – Isabella liked riddles and shared one with him when they first met. He noticed how pale Oswald was now, he looked like he was about to pass out any moment soon. They agreed to leave this behind, but apparently Isabella refused to be left behind. Was this Strange's doing?

''Isabella,'' Edward greeted her.

''Did you miss me?'' she asked.

''What are you doing here?'' Ed ignored her question. ''You died... when it was? Six years ago?''

''Yes,'' she smiled oh so sweetly. Oswald would roll his eyes hadn't he been so paralysed. ''And I see you brought the murderer with you,'' she looked at Penguin, who flinched.

''How do you know?'' Oswald finally spoke, truly surprised to find out she knew.

''Oh, I asked here and there, read some newspapers. I'm a librarian, remember? But that's not relevant now,'' she stepped closer to Edward. ''Why did you bring him here, Edward? You know what he did. Why are you his friend? He hurt you, darling,'' she touched gently his cheek.

''If you know so much, then you know I've tried to kill Oswald for killing you,'' Ed stated coldly.

''Yes, I've heard. Why haven't you finished your job? Why won't you do this here and now?'' she suggested.

Oswald was even paler now. He couldn't be sure, even thought he would be pleased to, whether Ed is going to listen to her. Maybe he changed his mind and decided to start again with Isa-whatshername. He said when he had met her that she was his second chance at normalcy, his second chance at love. Hell, she even looked like Ed's dead girlfriend. Oswald didn't want to get shot by Edward at the pier again. But what could he do about this? Sure, you could throw one of his trademark tantrums, but it wouldn't make things better for him, would it? No, it only would help her convince Ed to shoot him, Oswald thought.

''His my friend, Isabella. I have forgiven him,'' Edward got protective over Oswald. He would never do that again, what was she even thinking? He knew he was right when he said killing Oswald had killed a part of him too.

''Oh, sweet darling,'' Isabella looked Ed into eyes. ''He pulled us apart. Because he was so jealous. He put his needs before yours. Is that how good friend behaves?''

''Wait, you knew...?'' Ed asked.

''About mister mayor's feelings for you? Yes,'' she chuckled lightly.

''Was I the last person to find out?'' Ed didn't like that, he was the smartest man in the whole city, he should have known it earlier. Good thing they got married, anyway. Oswald shrugged embarrassed. He needn't have been reminded how awful his communication with Ed had been back then.

''Edward, I know many things changed, but it's still not to late. We can be together. Just leave him, you don't even have to hurt him, just leave him behind.''

''No!'' Ed growled. ''Didn't you get the message? I didn't miss you! Maybe only for first several weeks. I almost forgot about you.''

''It's alright, Ed. I'm glad grief haven't consumed you,'' she assured.

''I don't love you,'' Edward spit into her face. Oh how the tables have turned, Oswald thought. Wasn't he the one to hear those words years ago in the very same place? Wasn't he the one to hear she was Ed's everything? ''I never have,'' Ed went on. ''I thought I did, but now I know. I loved you only because you look like Kristen! And I hoped, oh I deceived myself that heavens had brought her back for me. But that's not how things work, even in Gotham. So tell me, Isabella! Who had created you? You had sent you then, who sent you now?''

''No one sent me, Ed,'' she smiled, but stepped back and Oswald wanted to get rid of that smirk of hers.

''Go away!'' Ed yelled. ''Before I kill you! You know what I did to Kristen, I have no reason not to do the same thing to you,'' he warned.

''Alright then,'' she said, turned her back and walked several meters away from them, but then she stopped and turned her back again. ''I wanted to end this peacefully. But now I see he has too big claim on you. And for that he has to go,'' she pulled a gun from her coat and aimed it at Oswald.

''Where did she get that?'' Penguin asked. People have aimed at him so many times, he didn't even bother now.

''Don't point your gun at him. It's between you and me,'' Ed said calmly and slowly.

''No, dear. It's personal. He killed me and he has to pay for that and for taking you away from me. I accepted your friendship with him, I thought it was good for you, but I was wrong. He has brought you only pain and betrayal. It will be the best for you.''

Ed quickly grabbed his gun and shot Isabella in the head. He could let her walk away, but not when she threatened Oswald. Shiver went down his spine when he realised he had heard two shots. He quickly looked at Oswald, who was pressing his shirt. Red color was spreading across it.

''Oswald!'' he screamed and caught him when he stumbled. Blood escaped Penguin's mouth. ''Oswald, we need to go, now!'' he tried to help him get up.

''No,'' Oswald wheezed, trying to take deep breaths, but emerging pain made it harder for him.

''Let me see,'' Ed moved Oswald's hands from the wound and examined it. He gulped, he had to be wrong, this couldn't be so bad. Suddenly Ed felt dizzy. ''It's gonna be alright, let's go,'' he lied.

Oswald coughed with blood. ''No... we both know... I'm not... now...,'' he smiled sadly. ''We're even...''

Ed tried to lift Penguin up, but bird begged. ''No... don't... don't wanna die... in the car... stay,'' Oswald cried. ''Hold me...'' Edward knelt next to his love and held him tightly and wiped away tears from Oswald's face. He could feel his own tears on his cheeks.

''Ozzie, don't leave me, please,'' a sob broke his voice.

''Ed... how... it's like... to die...?'' Oswald tried to keep his breath even. Edward was slowly rocking him, holding him in his arms.

''It's like...'' Ed took a breath between his sobs. ''It's like falling asleep. Yes, you are just going to take a nap, alright? I'm going to bring you back, I promise,'' he nodded like he wanted first and foremost to assure himself. Oswald smiled in response and Ed kissed his forehead. Oswald groaned and violently coughed blood, he felt his own blood choking him. Ed saw hint of terror in Penguin's good eye. Then Oswald's body convulsed. Once, twice, three times and then stopped.

''Oswald?'' Edward shook him and when got no answer screamed in panic. ''Oswald!'' He checked his pulse, but found none. Penguin was gone. Ed pulled him even closer, still rocking his body and stroked his hair. He hid his mouth in Oswald's hair trying to dull his broken screams and sobs.

He didn't know how long has he been kneeling there and crying, it could be five minutes, it could be three hours. When he decided he calmed down enough, he laid Oswald's body on the back seat of the car. He gently brushed his face before closing the door. Then he took Isabella's body and placed it in the trunk. He sat on driver's seat and violently hit steering wheel several times.

''You know it's not going to help, Ed,'' Edward turned his face to take a look at passenger seat and saw there Oswald sitting.

''Why are you here?!'' Ed asked more sorrowfully than angrily. ''I'm not taking any drugs.''

''Oh, I dunno,'' hallucination shrugged casually. ''Maybe some kind of reaction to stress, grief and guilt?''

Ed drove away, leaving the cursed pier behind.

''You told me not to go there. I should have listened to you,'' he admitted morose.

''Yeah, I agree. You should listen to me more often,'' hallucination crossed its arms. ''It would make things easier – I wouldn't get arrested so often, you wouldn't get arrested so often...'' it started naming situations.

''Stop it!'' Edward demanded. ''I am NOT going to argue with the hallucination of-of,'' he couldn't finish the sentence.

''Alright, alright, I get it. Now try not to cry too much, because you've got more important things to do, like I don't know, driving?!'' hallucination frantically moved its arms.

''Did you feel the same way when you found me in Narrows?'' Nygma wondered.

''Probably, but try asking real me. You know I can't answer this properly,'' hallucination reminded.

* * *

 

He was grateful Oswald let him have his own workshop and laboratory in their mansion. He placed his husband's body on metal table, one like he used to use when he worked at GCPD, and decreased the temprature of the room with a thermostat. He had to think over his options. One: finding Hugo Strange and making him 'fix' Oswald. There were several problems with that: Strange went missing during No Man's Land and no one has seen him since that time. Moreover, Ed didn't trust that mad scientist in a tiniest bit after what he had done to him after bringing him back... and after Ed had found out about Strange's strange experiments on people... aaand after what Strange had done to his beloved bird.

''There has to be other way,'' he thought aloud.

 _''There is other way,''_ Riddler said. _''Remember that Barbara Kean went missing?''_

''I've heard, but we were frozen back then. Wait...'' Ed pondered. ''Wasn't she killed by Tabitha?''

 _''Yes and brought back by Ra's al Ghul,''_ Riddler grinned with his ever-knowing smirk.

''Well, he's dead and I highly doubt Nyssa would help us even if we found her,'' Ed crossed his arms.

_''We could ask someone about the details, maybe we don't need the al Ghuls.''_

''I'm not going to ask Barbara Kean! She would suspect something's off. She is too cunning for our own good. On the other hand, I could ask Selina, she worked with Kean.''

_''This could be some lead.''_

Ed really hoped Kean's mistery would solve this problem. If not... he could ask Mr. Freeze to freeze Oswald until he finds solution. Pretty much what Freeze intended to do with his wife. Oswald lying in a block of ice? He would look like Snow White in the glass coffin. Ed winced at this thought. He had some more things to do before chasing Cat. He put on his working clothes and then walked to Penguin's corpse. He took off Oswald's clothes, they were all covered in blood, anyway, and covered him with operating sheet. He grabbed utensil and looked at the wound that took his beloved away from him. He started removing the bullet, but while doing so he felt like running out of air, he felt suddenly nauseous. He ran towards nearest sink and threw out. He gasped several times before calming down.

''Sunday is gloomy,  
My hours are slumberless  
Dearest the shadows  
I live with are numberless  
Little white flowers  
Will never awaken you  
Not where the black coach of  
Sorrow has taken you  
Angels have no thought  
Of ever returning you  
Would they be angry  
If I thought of joining you?  
Gloomy Sunday,'' hallucination sang.

''Why are you doing this to me?'' Ed cried powerless.

''My dearest Ed, you should know I am not doing this to you. I'm mere projection of your mind. You are doing this to yourself,'' hallucination excused itself.

''But seriously? Song known as ''Hungarian suicide song''?'' Edward pleaded.

''Don't say you don't like me singing,'' hallucination was suddenly standing next to him.

''I do like you singing, but I do like you alive!'' Ed couldn't take this anymore. He glared at Riddler in the mirror. ''Why don't you two talk with each other and leave me alone for a while?'' he accused both of them.

 _''My my, somebody's pissed off,''_ Riddler marvelled. _''Come on, Ozzie. We are not welcomed here.''_

Edward returned to Oswald's body and finished his job, then he cleaned the wound. ''When this is over, it's just going to be another scar on Penguin's perfect body,'' he thought and patted gently Oswald's shoulder. Then he turned to Isabella's body.

''I told you I was going to kill you some day. You should have stayed away. But you are lucky you are dead. If you were alive now I would make you suffer for what you've done. I forgave Oswald, but I will never forgive you, I could never. I was wrong: you never were my everything; he was, he is. There is no Riddler without Penguin and no Penguin without the Riddler. Going on war with one of us means fighting both of us,'' his words were full of hate, contempt, but also despair. He cut her body into pieces like he did with Kristen's body. But this time he didn't bury corpse in the forest, he decided to get rid of all evidences by putting it into an acid. Then he turned back into his green clothes and went to look for Selina.

* * *

 

He found her on the rooftop of some block of flats. Maybe she wasn't so difficult to track down, after all?

''Cat!'' he called.

''Riddle-guy,'' she crossed her arms. ''Haven't seen you in a while. What are you doing here? I don't think you visit places like this very often,'' she said with nonchalant smile.

''Running around rooftops is not for me,'' he straightened his suit. ''I just wanted to ask you about something.''

''Alright, shoot,'' Selina shrugged unamused.

''Tabitha killed Barbara, but then Barbara was back with her weapon shop. How?''

''Ra's al Ghul resurrected her or something. She mentioned he put her in some kind of water? I would like to get that water. It's not the first time I've heard about it.''

''Wait, there were more resurrections with that water?'' Ed clenched his fists impatiently.

''Nothing's for free,'' she showed him her empty hand and Ed gave her some money. ''Alright, so here's the thing: I know Bruce used it after he stabbed Alfred. Ivy was also using it, but some improved version. I think she got it from Bruce's company.''

''Really? Looks like we've got resurrecting water under our noses,'' he clasped his hands. ''Do you know where to find it?''

''Sorry, Riddle-man. Maybe I could find it out if Bruce was still here, but someone had to leave Gotham for good!'' she took some pot and smashed it on the ground.

''Still mad about it?'' Ed asked.

''Ah-mhph-yeah?!'' she was surprised Edward had audacity to ask about something so obvious. ''Wouldn't you be? It's like,'' she moved her arms like she was looking for something. ''Penguin left you alone. Well, maybe it's not the same, but similar,'' she placed her hands on her hips.

''Oswald tried to leave me at pier, so I could escape Gotham and he could fight for it. It tried to stop him, but in vain. So I joined him,'' faint smile appeared on his face at this memory.

''Not everyone had this much choice,'' she said fiercely.

''I should be going now. Thanks for information, Selina,'' he walked away.

''This is not enough!'' she looked at cash. ''Get me free drinks at Lounge!''

* * *

 

With the information he gathered, next person Ed had to see was Foxy. He had worked at Wayne's company, he could know something. He sneaked into Lucius' flat.

''Ed,'' Lucius said surprised. ''Miss me already?''

''You need to tell me something, Foxy. What do you know about water that brings people back or any associaton of Ivy Pepper to it?''

''So you've heard about it? Tea?'' Lucius offered.

''No, thanks,'' Ed shook his hands.

''It happened shortly before bridges were blown. She used it to make plants grow faster and then she used them to kill people. Plants attacked victim's body, grew inside it and destoyed their organs. It was quite gruesome.''

Ed wanted to hear more about Ivy's murderous plants, but he didn't come there to listen about them. He had more important things to do. Maybe he could ask more about it some other day.

''Where did you get that water?''

''Why do you need it, may I know?'' Lucius asked curiously.

''Everyone needs little miracles from time to time,'' Ed gave him his faux smile. ''I don't know, it could prove itself to be useful someday.''

''Why would I tell you, Ed?''

''If you are worried about this, I swear I'm not going to use this to bring terror to people of Gotham, I can do it without some miraculous water,'' he joked.

''Someone got killed?'' Lucius asked.

''Foxy, I warn you,'' Ed scolded and pointed his gun at his interlocutor. He had no time for that now.

''If you shoot me, I won't tell you,'' Lucius raised his hands in self defense.

''If you don't tell me you are useless and I've got no reason to keep you alive,'' Ed tiled his head.

Lucius sighed. ''It's under Yuyan Building. Plase don't do anything stupid with it,'' he begged. ''I don't want to regret telling you.''

''Thank you, Foxy. I knew I could count on you,'' Edward smiled and left Fox' home.

* * *

 

Maybe heavens smiled down at him? Acquiring water from Lazarus pit wasn't that hard when man knew where to look for it. ''It was probably guarded when Ra's al Ghul was alive, though,'' Ed wondered. He got rid of what remained of Isabella and approached Oswald's body. It was so pale, cold and lifeless.

''Time to wake up, Ozzie,'' Edward kissed Penguin's forehead.

''Let's hope it works,'' hallucination said from the other side of metal table.

''It's going to work. It has to work,'' Ed stared at the projection of his mind, then he looked back at his dead husband. He poured water on his wound. At first nothing happened, but then water seamed to boil and wound began healing. Ed put down vessel in which he held the liquid and watched Oswald's body looking for any sign of reaction. And he got it. Oswald gasped loudly, sat down and then coughed.

''Oswald,'' Ed pulled him in a hug and held him tightly. He spoke so gently Penguin thought his heart would melt.

''Ed,'' Oswald spoke gasping heavily. ''Ed,'' he clenched Nygma's back.

''Shhh...'' Edward softly brushed Penguin's hair. ''It's alright now, you are safe now.''

Oswald looked his husband into eyes. ''Eddie, I died,'' he realised.

''Yes, welcome back,'' Ed lost his voice in his laughter. He was so happy. He would never ever let Oswald die again. He smiled with tears of joy in his eyes and kissed Oswald's lips.

''Gosh, it's so cold in here,'' Penguin complained.

''Right, let's get out of here before you catch cold,'' Nygma chuckled.

''I could use some clothes,'' Oswald took a look at his naked figure. ''I'm not going to walk around naked,'' he frowned.

''Are you staying here?'' Ed was mildly amused.

''Yes, get me something to wear.''

''Fine, I'll be right back. Don't do anything stupid,'' Ed kissed Oswald's cheek and left laboratory. Few moments later he was back with a purple robe. ''Is that OK?''

''Will do,'' Oswald said with a smile putting it on.

''Let's go to bedroom, I'm so tired,'' Ed decided. He was too stressed to feel how tired he was until that moment. When they were in their bed, Ed hugged Oswald and put his head on bird's shoulder, kissing it from time to time. ''You were so annoying when you were dead,'' he joked.

''More than when I'm alive?'' Oswald giggled.

''You've got no idea,'' Edward smiled. ''I'm sorry. I should have listened to you. None of this would have happened if I had,'' he said regretfully.

''It's alright, Eddie,'' Penguin kissed him. ''You couldn't know she was back. I... Besides, I've started it all with killing her. And that's not your fault.''

''I was afraid I was going to fail and lose you forever,'' Edward cried.

''But you didn't. I'm fine now. There's nothing to worry about. Come,'' Oswald prompted Ed to lay his head on Oswald's chest. ''Hear? I'm alive and well.''

''Mhmm,'' Ed murmured. ''Not going to leave me?''

''I will never leave you, Ed,'' Penguin reassured. ''I love you so so much,'' he caressed Edward's cheek.

''I love you too, Oswald,'' Nygma took his husband's hand from his face and kissed it.

* * *

 

Police officers looked around the crime scene: two large puddles of blood and not much more of anything, just the pier. Lucius crouched and took some samples of blood.

''What do you think?'' Jim asked.

''Judging by the amount of blood these two were killed. Person who stood here got shot in the head – there are framents of brain here and here,'' he pointed at them. ''This could be shooting or maybe gangs getting rid of their enemies or their disloyal hitmen. I can't tell if there were any more victims than these two.''

''Have you found anything, Harvey?'' Gordon looked at Bullock.

''Just as Lucius said: there is nothing more than blood, no fingerprints, no bullets. Someone got rid of bodies and any evidences except for blood,'' Harvey fixed his hat.

''Blood is difficult to get rid of,'' Fox noted.

''Maybe they were in hurry?'' Bullock shrugged.

Jim sighed and put his hands on his hips. ''Alright then, let me know if you find something.''

Next morning Lucius called. ''You won't believe what I've found!''

''This is Gotham, try me,'' Gordon dared him.

''I've checked samples of DNA of person shot in the head. It matches two people and, frankly enough, both of them have been dead for several years.''

''Hugo Strange is involved?'' Jim asked.

''I don't know, maybe, but that's not all. Those people are: Kristen Kringle and Isabella Ingram, both were dating Edward Nygma.''

''Right. Ed killed Kristen, what about Isabella?'' Jim scratched his forehead. He wasn't morning person and now he got some weird stuff going on again.

''She died in the car accident, but later it was said to be Penguin's doing,'' Gordon heard the sound of moving a piece of paper.

''So we've got two dead Ed's girlfriends, who apparently shared DNA?'' Jim sounded startled.

''Told you you wouldn't believe that.''

''And none of them matches our victim, because both of them are long dead?''

''Yep.''

''I'll be sure to pay a visit to Ed or Oswald or both of them,'' Gordon decided.

Lucius chose not to mention he had met Nygma only the earlier day and had given him information about some healing water. He had to find out who was the other victim.

* * *

 

Ed came back all dressed up from his morning shower to their bedroom, but didn't find Penguin there. He ran downstairs to the livingroom, but seeing Oswald wasn't there either, he checked the kitchen. ''Oswald, what are you doing here?'' he sounded scandalised.

Oswald put down his plate with some cheese and bread on the nearest counter. ''What?'' he asked with his mouth full. ''I was hungry! Do you want some?'' he offered.

''You could have asked me! You need to rest,'' Ed said with worried expression.

Penguin sighed. ''Ed, I'm fine, I promise,'' he cupped Nygma's face. ''Don't worry about it, alright? Anyway, this cheese is really good, you've got to try it!'' he took his sandwich and put it right in front Edward's mouth. Ed took a bite and nodded in agreement. Then they heard door bell.

''I'll open up,'' Ed said. Much to his disappointment, he found Jim Gordon behind the door. ''Jimbo,'' he welcomed him coldly.

''Hi, Ed,'' Jim smiled falsely. ''I've been looking for you, but I didn't find you in your home or in the Iceberg Lounge, so I thought I was going to ask Oswald and there you are!''

''What's the matter? If it's about the riddle in the theatre, no one got hurt.''

''Yeah, I'm not here to talk about that, I would like to-'' commissioner started, but was interrupted by Penguin, who sneaked behind to Ed and stood next to him.

''Jim, what an unexpected visit!'' he said joyfully, but three of them knew it was only facade.

''Oswald, go back in there,'' Edward begged. What Penguin couldn't understand in the word 'rest'?

''Oswald,'' Gordon greeted him. ''I was looking for Ed,'' he explained.

''And you found him,'' Cobblepot tilted his head towards Edward.

''Wasn't expecting to find him here, honestly,'' Jim smiled.

''About that... We had to discuss some business affairs, but I got sick,'' Oswald shrugged innocently.

''Right, you look pale,'' Jim pointed at Penguin.

''Anyway, what do you want from me?'' Edward asked. Oswald cleared his throat and Ed looked at him with asking expression.

Penguin stared at him for a while and then said. ''Ed,'' his voice was somehow reprimending.

Nygma felt really confused. ''Yes?''

''Your arm,'' he tried to whisper, but was sure Jim had heard him. He blinked several times.

Ed noticed he had put his arm around Penguin's waist, so he quickly retrieved it like he had just touched a flame. He went red instantly. He wasn't thinking about it, it was simply natural impulse to guard Oswald from danger, which in his mind Jim was.

''I, ehrm, uh- sorry,'' Ed stuttered and nervously fixed his glasses.

Jim watched the scene and marvelled. There he was: Edward Nygma, known as The Riddler, one of Gotham's notorious villains, stuttering and blushing, back to his shy self from the times he worked at GCPD. Gordon didn't really know what to do with this kind of information, so he decided to leave it in his mental folder called 'for later'. He should have thought this better, what was he going to do? Ask Ed if he killed his dead girlfriend again? For sure he was going to confess, guaranteed. ''I won't stop you any longer from your business stuff, I'm glad you keep yourselves busy with other things beside commiting crimes,'' he left van Dahl mansion.

Later that day Jim returned, but with some other police officers.

''GCPD! Edward Nygma, if you are still there, come out!'' commissioner demanded.

Oswald opened up a window and yelled. ''What do you want from Ed?''

''He is suspected of killing someone,'' Jim explained.

''Suspected? Someone? That's not much, Jim! You can't arrest him for that! You don't know if he killed someone and you probably don't know who is the victim!'' he mocked. ''I can assure you Ed didn't kill anyone!''

''Oswald, open up! We've got to find him,'' Gordon warned.

''No!'' Cobblepot answered and slammed the window.

GCPD broke into Penguin's manor and dragged the Riddler out of it, much to Oswald's protests. He even tried to start up a fight, but Ed asked him not to.

''Ed!'' Oswald called. ''Screw you, Jim!'' he threw random object at Gordon.

* * *

 

Lucius Fox paid a visit to Ed at Arkham.

''Don't think I'm happy to meet you in here,'' he started. ''I don't think you should be put here again, Ed.''

''You are damn right, Foxy!'' Nygma hit a table with his fist. ''I've done nothing to end up here!''

''I think you've done, but we don't have enough evidences. I tried to reason with Jim, no luck, though. So, what has happened at the pier? Who got killed? Kristen, Isabella or maybe some other person sharing their DNA?'' Lucius laid his elbows on the table.

''Why would I tell you?'' Ed huffed.

''Because you owe me, I told you about water, remember? When I thought about this, it clicked. I saw the scene earlier that day and then you came with that question. I've checked DNA and blood samples. One person was shot in the head and it was Kristen or, you know. But there was also other person and judging by the amount of blood, they died. It bugged me, you know.''

''Perceptive you are, Foxy. But I can't tell you, you will tell this Jimbo and I don't want him to know,'' Ed crossed his arms while looking his interlocutor into eyes.

''I won't, I swear, Ed. What would I earn from telling Jim? You are put in Arkham, anyway. If it turns out it was you, well, they can't sentence you twice for one thing. If you didn't kill her or them, you have right to demand letting you go free. Telling me can bring you only good outcomes. And I just want to sate my curiosity.''

''Have you told this story anyone?''

''No.''

''Good, if you tell anyone, I will kill you,'' Ed warned.

''May I go on with my assumptions?'' Lucius asked politely and Nygma nodded. ''The other victim was Penguin, am I right? That's why you asked me about Lazarus Pit, you wanted to bring him back. The blood type matches,'' he added.

''Why aren't you a detective then, Foxy? You are smarter than them,'' Edward applauded.

''That's not for me.''

''Isabella killed him,'' Ed started his story. He felt unpleasant twist in his stomach at this memory. ''She left riddles for me asking for a meeting. It didn't know it was her. I agreed. Oswald came with me. She aimed her gun at Oswald, so I shot her, but wasn't quick enough. And he died,'' he said with shaky breath. ''I couldn't help him, the wou-wound was fatal,'' he gagged. ''I just watched him die. I-I-I,'' he felt his tears drop, he hid his face in his palms.

''It's fine, Ed,'' Lucius tried to soothe him. ''Penguin is doing well now.''

''He was gone!'' Edward exclaimed pained. ''He had warned me not to go there!''

''Alright, I'm glad I could help you then,'' Fox nodded. ''But why was she there?''

''I don't know. Maybe I'll check it some day, but right now I don't care. You probably wanna know what has happened to her body?'' Nygma raised an eyebrow. ''I've cut it into pieces and drowned them in an acid,'' he said with spite.

''Do you have any visitors?'' Lucius changed subject.

''Only Oswald and you. I'm glad you came,'' Ed said sincerely. ''It's so boring in here. Perfectly sane person would go mad.''

''I guess this place has got bad influence on people,'' Lucius noted.

* * *

 

Edward stood in front of the gates of Arkham with his new shiny sanity certificate. He smiled when he saw limo. Oswald opened the window and smiled. ''Get in!'' and Ed didn't wait long before obeying.

''I'm so sorry it took me nearly two months to get you out of this place!'' Penguin cried hugging his husband.

''It's really boring in there, but much better without Hugo Strange. I haven't lost faith in you, Oswald, I knew you would set me free.''

''The authorities of Arkham are harder to bribe this days,'' Oswald complained. ''Anyway, you got kicked out of your flat.''

Ed leant back in his seat. ''I haven't spent much time there, it's not big deal.''

''We could actually use this in our favour. You can now live in mansion offically and I'll be just taking care of my homeless friend.''

''You always have back up plan, don't you?'' Ed grinned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave Isabella last name, but kept alliteration, because she is Kristen Kringle's clone. I know DNA tests take longer, but comic books science, I guess? Nothing is explained about Isabella's reappearance, because they never explained anything about her.  
> Selina deserves at least discount on drinks in the Iceberg Lounge.  
> I think Lucius is this type of person who likes to know things, but keeps them for himself, especially knowing telling anyone Penguin died and was brought back would make people more interested in acquiring resurrecting water and people would come back from dead even more often in Gotham and it would be only bigger mess. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	7. Nightmares and daydreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward has a nightmare. Later the rogues gallery is presented.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares and visions are in italics.

Ed woke up heavy breathing, all sweaty. He looked around, familiar environment calmed him a little bit. But most importantly - ''Oswald!'' he called. He looked left, Penguin was sitting next to him, oh good, he was there too. Oswald hugged him and rubbed his back in an effort to soothe him.

''Shhh,'' he whispered. ''You're home now. Forget about that damned place, no one is going to hurt you now.''

Edward freed himself from embrace and looked puzzled at his husband, not really getting his point. What was he talking about? Arkham? It wasn't about Arkham. ''They didn't torture me in Arkham, Oz. I've already told you that. You know it's not great there, but they don't torture people anymore, as far I am concerned. Well, maybe weekly meetings with therapists can be called that, they ask idiotic questions and try to fix you with their methods. Buffoons! What do they know about me?!''

''Alright, so your nightmare wasn't about Arkham?'' Oswald wanted to be sure.

''No, why?''

''Do you want to talk about this?'' Penguin gently touched Edward's shoulder.

''Not really,'' Ed looked away.

''Are you sure? You were screaming,'' Oswald was really worried.

''Yes, I'm fine. It was just a nightmare,'' Nygma assured with pale smile.

''It must have been really bad, judging by your behaviour. I haven't seen you like this in ages!'' Oswald commented and receiving no answer, he went on. ''Have you often had nightmares in Arkham?''

Ed pressed his lips into a thin line. He didn't want to lie to Oswald, but also he didn't want to worry him any more.

''Eddie? You're not telling me something. I need to know if you are fine,'' Cobblepot cupped Nygma's cheek.

''It's nothing, don't fret about it,'' Edward stated coldly.

 

_Oswald was lying on the ground at the docks. He was bleeding, so much blood, he was all covered in it, he was lying in one big puddle of blood. Ed felt lump in his throat. He ran towards Penguin and grabbed his torpid body. It reminded Ed of a dirty rag-doll in a dumpster. His eyes were lifeless, cold, absent and dead dead dead, even his glass eye seemed to be this way. Dead dead dead. Ed felt his head spin. Dead dead dead._

Edward woke up screaming, frantically looking around.

Some guard shouted. ''Quiet there! Other inmates are trying to sleep!'' and hit the door of Ed's cell with a stick. Ed was sure it wasn't about other inmates' sleep, it was rather about this guard's sleep. They always slept during their work time.

 

''It's not nothing! I care about you, Ed. Maybe you are going to feel better when you tell me about it?'' Oswald offered.

''No, I am not going to feel better,'' Nygma shook his head.

 

_Penguin stood in front of him. He was cold and pale and his lips were blue._

_''You could save me if you had listened to me, Ed. It's your fault.''_

_''Yes, Oswald, it's my fault. But I'm going to fix it! It will save you, Ozzie,'' Edward pleaded._

_''No, Ed,'' Oz stopped him. ''It's far too late.''_

_''I promise! It's not too late! Oswald, please, I promise, please don't leave me!'' he cried, but Oswald vanished into thin air. Ed tried to reach out, but he was gone. ''Oswald...'' he whispered and let his hand down._

 

''It's not the first time this has happened, am I right, Ed?'' Penguin stroked Ed's arm.

Edward remained silent.

 

_Ed had feeling someone was following him. He turned around, but saw nobody._

_''You wanted this to happen,'' he heard barely audible familiar voice._

_''No, Oswald, I didn't want you to die!'' he exclaimed furiously._

_''Don't lie to me, you wanted to. You knew it would happen. This place, this woman. You got your revenge. The truth is you killed me, face it, Ed,'' the voice was chilling and distant, like a winter blizzard._

 

''It started maybe two weeks after they put me in Arkham,'' Edward said listlessly.

''Poor thing,'' Oswald squeezed his hand. ''How often?''

 

_They stood at the pier, Riddler held gun in his hand. He pulled the trigger. Oswald looked at his wound, at blood._

_''Yes, Ed. Now push me out of the docks into cold, dark, unforgiving water like you did once,'' Cobblepot demanded._

_Edward looked in shock at his own work. ''Oswald! Oh God, I'm sorry. So sorry. Let's go home, I'm going to patch you up.''_

_''You don't love me, Eddie. You never had,'' Oswald looked him boldly into his eyes._

_''That's not true, you know it! I love you more than anything!'' he pulled his husband into a hug, placing Oswald's head on his shoulder._

_He didn't know how it happened that he was watching again Oswald being swallowed and embraced by dark waters of Gotham._

 

''Several times a week,'' Nygma didn't have the courage to look at Oswald.

''Do you want to tell me what your nightmares were about?'' Penguin asked softly.

 

_Guilty guilty guilty. Ed thought his head was going to explode. Guilty guilty guilty. Whispers in his head. Guilty guilty guilty. Merciless, but true. Guilty guilty guilty. His head hurt so much, he wanted to crack it open. Was Athena going to jump out of his head?_

 

Edward wrapped his arms around Oswald and mumbled against his shoulder. ''You died and I was guilty. And sometimes I killed you.''

''Ed, you should know it wasn't your fault, OK?'' he kissed Nygma's cheek.

''But it was,'' Ed squeezed Oz tighter.

''You couldn't know it was going to happen, Eddie.''

''I could.''

Oswald sighed resigned. Sometimes reasoning with Edward was really difficult. ''It's all past now. Don't think about it,'' he brushed hair out of Ed's forehead.

''I want to forget about this, but I cannot,'' Nygma sounded tired. ''We were supposed to never mention all the things that happened with Isabella, but she came back. And I almost killed you for killing her! How many times have I tried to kill you?''

''We both hurt each other in the past. We can't change the past. And if we did, we wouldn't be the men we are now,'' Oswald chuckled playing with Ed's hair. ''Do you feel better now, my love?''

''I think so. Thank you,'' Ed gazed adoringly at Oswald.

''Good. Now go to sleep and if you keep having nightmares, we'll get you help, alright?'' he lay next to Ed.

''I don't need any help!'' Edward stated offended.

Oswald smiled and kissed Ed. ''If you say so.''

* * *

 

''Edward, how many times have I told you not to sneak behind my back?'' Oswald asked turning around. To his surprise it wasn't Ed. Penguin quickly regained his posture. ''Oh, I'm sorry Mister Crane, I thought it was Mister Nygma. Can I help you? We sell drinks in the main part of Lounge. Unless you came to my office for business reasons.''

''Jonathan Crane is no longer here. The only thing that's left is Scarecrow.''

''Right, pardon me,'' Oswald smiled. ''How can I help you,'' he clasped his hands. Another mad man, when he thought about this, Crane reminded him of Penn. Or maybe Penn reminded him of Crane? He met Crane as Scarecrow before Penn introduced him to Scarface, after all.

Scarecrow threatened to aim his gas at Penguin. ''You can show me your fear, you can scream and cry. You can be scared for your life.''

''Wow, great,'' Oswald thought. He pulled out his knife, which wasn't much, but Oswald felt better when armed. ''Stay back!''

''Do you think it will scare me off? Scarecrow knows no fear!'' he sprayed toxin onto Penguin.

Oswald fell to the floor, grimaced unnaturally and screamed. ''No, no! Ed, Ed, Eeed!!!'' he looked up.

 _''Do you think I really love you, Oswald? You fool!''_ Ed smiled psychopathically. _''I could never love you! No one will ever love you! I want to feed on your pain, weakness, I want to see you fall. I hate you! You disgust me! Pathetic little worm, punk. When you die, no one will mourn you. You are alone. I admit it, I had fun pretending to be in love with you. How naive you are!''_

''No, Ed!'' Oswald cried and tried to grab his shirt.

Edward heard screams coming from Oswald's office. He grabbed his gun and hiding behind a wall he gently opened up the door and peaked inside. Oswald was thrashing on the floor, calling his name and Crane was standing in front of him. Ed quickly entered the room and shot at Scarecrow, who turned in his direction. He wanted to aim at Ed, but got shot in his arm. Much to Nygma's surprise he retreated.

Ed crouched next to Oswald, trying to pull him into a hug, but he kept slapping Edward's hands.

''No, Ed! Ed! Go away!'' Penguin screamed wildly. ''Stay! Ed!'' he jumped at his husband and sobbed. ''Ed...''

''It's alright, Ozzie,'' he let Oswald lie his head on Ed's chest and brushed his hair. ''Crane is gone. What did he want from you?''

''I don't know,'' he sniffed. ''To scare me perhaps.''

''Well, well, who do we have here? Is that the Penguin and the Riddler?'' Mad Hatter came in. ''You two look like two scared children.''

''Get. Out.'' if gaze could kill, Jervis would most likely be dead, killed by Ed's gaze.

''I can help you, cheer you up, let me tell you a story, a rhyme'' Jervis offered.

Ed pointed his gun at Tetch, holding with one hand still shaking Oswald. ''I told you to get out! Are you deaf?''

''Tick tock,'' Jervis tilted his head. ''I think not,'' he took a gun. ''Besides, I think it's rude to threaten your guests.''

''You started first. You and Crane. Get out unless you want to find out what is black and white and red all over. Argh!'' he shouted when Jervis shot him in his leg. This made Oswald sober up. He jumped at Tetch, knocking him to the ground and started beating him up.

''Leave us alone! What do you want from us?! What is wrong with you?!'' Oswald didn't hold his anger back.

''I just wanted to talk,'' Mad Hatter said.

''Talk?! Is this how you talk?!'' Penguin yelled.

''Do you work with Jim or do you us aid?'' Jervis asked. ''It's time to choose side!''

''What?'' Oswald looked at him with disbelief.

''Think about it, my feathered friend. I should go now and your Riddle-friend seems to need some help.''

Oswald was reluctant to let Tetch alive, but mentioning Ed had him convinced. Ed's health was more important.

''Till next time, lovebirds!'' Jervis waved at them. Edward really wanted him dead right then.

''Do you think he knows?'' Nygma asked.

''I'll worry about it later. How's your leg?'' he knelt next to his husband.

''It's gonna be fine, but I need to take care of it,'' he prompted Oswald to help him get up.

''Are you mad? Do you want to do it by yourself?'' Cobblepot held Edward and moved slowly towards door. It wasn't easy for him considering his bad leg. He hoped Ed wouldn't become limping. ''We are going to visit Lee. And I don't want to hear any objections, is that clear?''

''Aye, aye, captain.''

''Seriously, what they wanted from us?'' Oswald wondered.

''I don't know. Tetch is barely coherent mad man with his rhymes, just like the Valeskas with their jokes. Good thing the one of them is dead and the other braid dead,'' Ed said with disgust.

''Said the man who would kill for a riddle,'' Penguin chuckled.

''Riddles require wit and intellect, unlike those primitive jokes.''

* * *

 

''Well, Ed. I've got to say you were lucky. Your leg is barely scratched. Do you want some painkillers?'' Lee offered.

''No, thanks. We have some at home.''

'''We'? You live with Oswald again?'' she looked at him curiously.

''Actually, yes. I got kicked out of my flat when I was at Arkham,'' Ed wanted to stand up, but Lee halted him.

''Sit down for a while. He really cares about you,'' she said casually.

''Pardon?''

''Oswald cares about you,'' she repeated.

''He is my friend,'' Ed shrugged.

''Not everybody looks at their friends like that,'' she smiled, but there was something mean in her expression.

''I don't know. I don't really have many friends,'' he pretended he didn't see where this conversation was heading.

''Didn't he have a dog named after you? What happened to it, anyways?''

''It still lives with us. I don't like that dog, though.''

''I bet he calls you 'Edward the human','' she joked.

''Only when he wants to get down on my nerves,'' Ed smirked.

''You can't be serious!''

''I am!'' he laughed. ''If I have something to say, I'm glad he didn't get shot. He tries to protect me so much, he forgets to worry about himself. He was wounded too many times.''

''I'm not blind, Ed. I know you love him. You always had.''

Edward was stunned. He opened up his mouth in a surprise. What should he do now? He couldn't tell her that she was right (but she was) and he didn't want to lie that he didn't love Oswald. So he said nothing. Lee burst with laughter seeing his reaction.

''Oh my! You are really very much in love with him!'' she covered her mouth with her palm, trying to ease her laughter.

Ed's face went all red. ''Will you let me go now? Oswald is really worried about me.''

''Alright, my work here is done. I just think you should tell him,'' she crossed her arms.

''No!'' he exclaimed.

''Do as you want to. It's your life. You two could be happy together.''

''Let's not talk about it anymore, shall we?'' he urged.

Lee opened up the door and let him out. Oswald ran towards Ed and grabbed him, making Lee smirk.

''How is Ed?'' Penguin asked.

''He's fine. It's nothing dangerous. He should just let his leg rest for a while,'' she stated matter-of-factly.

''I told you, Oswald,'' Ed rolled his eyes.

''Good, that's great!'' Penguin smiled. ''He won't be limping?''

''He'll be perfectly fine. I expect you to show me your gratitude in cash. Most of my patients are too poor to pay for their visits and medicines cost money,'' she reminded.

''Oh, of course Doctor Thompkins. I just hope our little visit in here will remain unknown to Jim?'' Oswald said with his fake smile and gave Lee cash.

''I never tell Jim about my patients.''

''Well, thank you once more. You are a gift to this community,'' Oswald helped Ed walk as they were leaving her clinic. Ed turned around and mouthed 'Don't tell him.'

''Good thing your leg is going to be alright!'' Oswald said happily.

''What? You wouldn't like me limping?'' Ed joked.

''That's not a thing! I just think it's enough that I'm limping.''

''This made me thinking. You've got your cane and umbrellas. Maybe I could get one too? Oh, I know! A cane with a question mark!'' there was a certain sparkle in Ed's eyes as he spoke about it.

* * *

 

After that Edward and Oswald thought about Crane's and Tetch's ambush. They sent letters to Gotham's villains and invited them to the Iceberg Lounge. Ed wasn't really convinced it was a good idea. Once they gathered together, Penguin welcomed them.

''My dear friends, welcome! It's a pleasure to have you all here,'' he started.

''Pengy, why are we here? I hoped for some drinks and stuff, but I see none,'' Selina placed her feet on a table.

''I gathered you to discuss business matters. Recent events, our unfortunate misunderstanding with Mister Tetch and Mister Scarecrow,'' Selina laughed at that, but Oswald ignored her. ''Made me realise how much energy we are wasting on fighting each other instead of cooperating and fighting our true enemy: the GCPD and commissioner Gordon.''

''If we want to make Gordon suffer, we could kidnap his daughter,'' said Mad Hatter.

''We are not kidnappers, Mister Tetch. Besides, Barbara Lee is the daughter of Barbara Kean, who sadly is no longer part of criminal world, and the step-daughter of Lee Thompkins, who is a doctor in the Narrows and once called herself the queen of Narrows. Once a criminal, always a criminal. So they are basically two of us and we have to stop fighting each other. Any questions?'' Oswald cut him short.

''What we'll have out of this agreement?'' Victor Fries asked.

''We offer you a place to plot and a shelter from the nosy eyes of the GCPD,'' Ed stepped in.

''Are drinks included?'' asked Selina.

''Only today. We can't give away free drinks,'' Oswald leant on his cane and Ed gave a glass with alcohol to every rogue present.

''It's a shame Jeremiah Valeska can't join us on this glorious day,'' Tetch lamented.

''Well, maybe his condition is going to get better, we don't know,'' Selina shrugged. ''Besides, I don't miss this guy. He had that coming.''

''We don't have to like each other, but this doesn't mean we should argue,'' Oswald tried to calm villains down.

''Why should I stop from burning everyone down?'' asked Firefly.

''Bridget!'' Selina reprimanded her.

''Because you won't gain anything from doing this! People alive are more useful,'' Penguin stated with a smile that meant something between 'duh, it's obvious' and 'I'm so done with you'.

''How do we know you are not fooling us, Penguin?'' Ivy asked.

''I can't give you more than my word, but let's get this working and we'll see if we are happy with our agreement.''

''Do we get to keep our territories?'' Jonathan asked. Oswald was glad he took his hood of.

''Yes, territories we gained during No Man's Land seem to be stable and mostly they don't overlap. Of course it will need a little bit of adjustment, but I hope we can come to terms with that,'' Ed showed them the map of Gotham with their territories marked.

''Do we have your permission? I offer you the world with us, freaks, as its rulers. There will be no hierarchy that existed in old system of underworld families. It was uneffective and led to many wars. The old world of Gotham fell with the bridges, which might have been rebuild, but the old system won't be. We are equals and we should treat each other as business partners. I say we bury the hatchet. We shall show the GCPD we are strong!'' Oswald raised his glass and the rest joyfully followed. ''To us!''

''To the rogues!'' said Selina.

Later all villains left the Lounge, except for one assassin. Victor Zszasz finally spoke. ''It looks like you may be in need of new hitmen.''

''Why should we trust you?'' Ed asked.

''Pengy said to forget about our little wars. Look,'' Zsasz sat sloppily on a chair. ''I see that following the Falcones was a mistake. Sofia played us all. So let's forget about betrayals. Besides, you betrayed Penguin too, didn't ya, green bean?''

''Victor, I just offered us equality and you want to be my employee?'' Oswald wanted to make sure.

''You see, I am a professional assassin. I don't work on my own. I take money and do my job. I don't have my territory. So you all can divide city between yourselfes, I don't care, it's not my thing.''

Ed knew Oswald would hire Zszasz again. He was against it, but Oswald had the almost supernatural skills to work with his previous enemies. Nygma always marvelled at this skill, Penguin could work with Strange's monsters, Fish, Carmine Falcone and Ed (and even marry him) and they all seemed to forget about his past actions. But maybe that was a part of Oswald's charm. Charm he fell for. So maybe it was worth giving a try?

''Ed, what do you think?'' Oswald asked.

''We can hire him if you want to,'' Ed took a sip from his glass.

''Alright, Victor. You are going to be my hitman and guard. Oh, sorry, our hitman and guard. You will work for both of us,'' Penguin quickly corrected himself, gaining side gaze from Ed.

''Fine, boss one. If you really are this inseparable.''

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for sooo long (but on the other hand I haven't updated 'We are back' since February...), I was busy in real life (and I often run out of ideas).  
> Anyway, Edward the dog still lives with them, but I didn't include him in the story, because I have no ideas for him and I don't even like dogs. 🤣  
> I had to give them some time before working again with Zsasz.  
> I'd like to think the end of this chapter happens somewhere between 3.5 to 4 years since reconnecting to the mainland.


	8. Gossip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gossip about Ed's private life spreads.

''It's preposterous! How these insufferable buffoons could imply such a thing!'' Ed exclaimed agitated and threw the newspaper angrily.

''Ed, calm down,'' Oswald sipped his morning coffee. ''You know journalists, they like to write stupid things just to increase the number of their articles sold.''

''And people read it! What they will think about me? The Riddler has an affair! With some woman I even haven't heard of!'' Edward powerlessly dropped his fork on the plate and massaged his forehead.

''You didn't seem so interested in what they wrote about you during our political time. And I'm sure you knew what they had written...'' Oswald raised an eyebrow just to spite his husband. When he was mayor and Ed was his Chief of Staff, some people assumed they were lovers. Tabloids were full of gossips like these back then. Nygma scoffed turning his head and Penguin took it as an invitation to continue. ''You don't have anything to worry about... unless, that is, you are unfaithful to me.'' That was too much for Ed.

''Et tu, Brute? How dare you assume I'm cheating on you?!'' he pointed his index finger at Oswald and got up leaving his breakfast mess on the table.

''Oh, come on, Eddie! I was kidding! Don't be mad at me,'' Oswald grabbed Ed's hand. ''I just think you are too worried about it. It's nothing important, people just like to read stuff like that,'' he shrugged.

''No! They will learn to respect the Riddler!'' Nygma shouted imperiously.

''Alright, what are you gonna do about this?'' Penguin crossed his arms.

''I'm going to pay them a visit they will remember.''

''Do you want me to help you with that?'' Oswald offered.

''No, I'm fine,'' Ed headed upstairs to their bedroom to put on his Riddler clothes.

''Alright, have fun,'' Cobblepot waved at him.

 

Edward stormed into newspaper office. Woman who handed tea to one of journalists shrieked and dropped it. Someone jumped quickly behind desk.

''I told you Danny it was bad idea to write about villains!'' whispered one bald man.

''Is it my fault? Boss wanted something that people will read!'' whispered back fat man, presumably named Danny.

''Which one of you wrote that libel about me? Huh? Well, doesn't matter. You all will pay for that!''

''It was him!'' bald man pointed at Danny.

''Johnny!'' Danny rebuked.

Ed rolled his eyes, those imbeciles were plain and boring. He put on gas mask and threw some grenade. Smoke emerged from it and people started coughing.

 

They woke up tied up to chairs. Danny's hand put into small guillotine.

''Oh, look who woke up! Welcome to an exclusive show! Only today, just for you!'' Riddler smiled. ''Here we've got incompetent man, whom I can hardly even call a journalist, who likes to write lies about other people! I think we all can agree that the world would be a better place if we stopped him from creating his poor works. Just think how many people could we save from headaches and unnecessary irritation! That is why I am going to cut off his hand, so he and all of you are going to remember not to do such things! Are you ready? Let's get started!'' he grinned smugly.

''No, wait don't do this!'' Danny begged. ''I just wrote a story that would draw attention! Am I right?'' he asked and some of his colleagues nodded nervously. ''I got an information about that girl of yours, but if you don't like it, we can publish correction in the next issue...'' he was talking really fast, so Ed interrupted.

''There is no girl of mine!'' Ed yelled. ''That's the point!'' he moved his arms like he was crossing something off. ''Can't you idiots simply understand that? Anyway,'' he straightened his suit. ''I haven't finished my show yet.'' he showed his audience a remote.

''What are you going to do, click us to death?'' asked one woman.

''Oh, why so impatient? Let me explain our show, may I? This is my remote. When I click the button, the blade will fall and cut his hand off. I may cut off the other hand too, I haven't made up my mind yet,'' Riddler pondered for a moment. ''You know what? We will make this game more interesting. Who's the boss here?''

One man loudly gulped. ''I think it would be me,'' he tried to raise his hand, but was tied up.

''Wonderful!'' Ed laughed. ''The audience will decide whether I cut off your hand or Danny's left hand. Do you have any moveable whiteboards here? You have to,'' he joined his hands like he was asking for a favour.

''It's in the room on the left,'' said brunette woman.

''I'll be right back! Be sure not to miss the show!'' Edward headed towards mentioned room and came back with a whiteboard and a marker. He started writing something and then drew a line, dividing whiteboard in two. He pointed at left side. ''Here I will note down your votes for Danny's second hand and here'' he pointed at right side. ''votes for the other guy. Everything's clear?''

Hostages looked hesitantly at each other. Ed pointed at one of them.

''You! Your decision?''

''Me?'' guy asked with his voice trembling with fear.

''Yes, you,'' Nygma sighed.

''Um, I... I think... Danny... sorry, man.''

''Oh! I don't think he likes you!'' Ed clapped and marked the vote down.Then he pointed at next person.

''Mister Anderson.''

''Oh, so the boss has a name! It was really impolite of you not to introduce yourself,'' Edward noted.

After some time everyone had a chance to vote and so the result became known.

''It looks that Danny loses his hand, but Mister Anderson loses one too. It seems to me that you are not a very good employer.''

''Penguin is better employer?! Huh?!'' Anderson called Ed out.

''I am not Oswald's employee! We work on equal terms,'' Ed snapped.

''Is this why you are so submissive to him? You are his dog, aren't you? You do everything he asks you to. Wait, didn't he have a dog? What was its name? Wasn't it Edward?'' he laughed in despair, not really knowing what he was trying to achive.

''Don't make me change my mind,'' Edward warned him. ''Much worse things than losing a hand can happen to you,'' he looked at his watch. ''This gig took me more time than I'd assumed. I'll make it quick,'' he pressed the button and Danny screamed.

''My haaand! Ah! You weird psycho!'' he cried.

Ed ignored him and moved the guillotine to Mister Anderson. He put in there Anderson's hand and when he was satisfied, pushed the button once more. To Anderson's screams joined Danny's screams. Ed packed up guillotine.

''I would suggest you to quickly call some help or they are going to bleed to death,'' he said and left the office.

 

Edward entered the Iceberg Lounge in a good mood.

''How it went?'' Oswald asked.

''Good! Two people lost their hands, they are going to think twice before they write about me next time,'' Ed smiled and Oswald patted his back.

''Great! Let's celebrate it! Scotch?'' Penguin came closer to their private bar.

''Sounds good.''

* * *

 

Barbara heard knocking at the door. She looked up who was knocking and opened up the door.

''Hi, Lee. Barbara Lee is with Jim?'' she asked.

''Yes and I've got nothing to do this evening, so I thought 'girls night','' she smiled. ''And I brought us some wine,'' she showed Barbara a paper bag.

''Lovely idea. Come in,'' she tilted her head towards interior.

''...and then Jim was running after some petty criminal and Harvey was like ''Jim, you can't do it by yourself, you are a commissioner!'' Oh my God, I can't! I think Jim would like to go back to being regular cop,'' Lee was laughing so hard she nearly fell off a chair.

''Poor Jim doesn't know what is good for him,'' Barbara said sympathetically, but hen burst with laughter. ''Oh, I think I've had enough,'' she looked at the ceiling.

''Meaning you don't want another glass of wine? Okay, I can finish this up myself,'' Lee shrugged.

''I haven't said I didn't want another glass of wine. I said I had enough and these are two different things,'' she grabbed the bottle and topped herself up.

''Anyway, Jim said Ed had attacked some tabloid staff and cut their hands off.''

''Really? What did they do to him? Probably didn't get his riddles right. No one does!''

''Lucius sometimes answers correctly,'' Lee noted.

''Good for him,'' Barbara finished another glass.

''But Jim thinks that's not the thing. They wrote something about Ed's affair.''

''Oh... Did they write about you?'' Barbara couldn't stop herself from asking. ''Sorry,'' she added.

''No, not about me. If it was about me, Jim would probably beat them up by himself.''

''Maybe Ozzie got jealous,'' Barbara shrugged.

''Wouldn't he do it instead of Ed then, though?''

''I don't know. They've got weird relationship.''

''True. Maybe Oswald got angry and Ed attacked them to make him happy?'' Lee sipped. ''He is so obsessed over him! In the Narrows he used to mock Penguin. Everything he ever does sooner or later revolves around Oswald.''

''Ozzie killed Nygma's girlfriend, because he wanted him all for himself. And then we arranged things to get rid of Ozzie. Who decided to declare his love for Nygma. But Riddleguy killed him anyway or so we thought. But he had mental breakdown later,'' Barbara reminded.

''Oh wow, they are such an useless couple, aren't they? I'm hundred percent sure Ed is in love with Oswald. Do you think they acknowledge each others feelings?'' Lee played with her hair.

''If you think carefully about it,'' she looked curiously at Lee. ''You can get an idea they are actually dating. Haven't you heard them talking about each other? Or seen how they look at each other? You can practically see hearts in their eyes!'' she laughed.

''You really think that?''

''Wanna bet?'' Barbara dared her.

''When I suggested Jim that Ed and Oswald a have thing for each other, he was like ''Nah, that's not possible! They've tried to kill each other several times!'' Men, aren't they blind sometimes?'' Lee complained.

* * *

 

''I think you can be satisfied, Edward,'' Oswald spoke and pointed at the header. ''Just look, ''The Riddler strikes again'', what a title!''

''Everything's back to normal,'' Ed kissed Penguin and smiled.

Ed quickly grabbed a gun, when they heard some noise, but put it back, when Olga complained about state of floor, which she had just finished cleaning. Zsasz entered their livingroom.

''Victor, when are you going to learn to knock?!'' Oswald shrieked, trying to murder him with his sight. He really didn't want Zsasz to discover their secret and with Victor's lack of sense of privacy it was more than likely.

''Sorry, boss one,'' he said emotionlessly and knocked. Oswald rolled his eyes.

''What is it now?'' Penguin said with a bored tone.

''After the thing with that assault on the newspaper, I thought boss two might be interested,'' Victor threw Ed a newspaper. ''Page seven.''

Ed opened it and laughed. ''Oswald, look what they wrote about us!'' Penguin laughed too.

''Oh, Ed, they are truly interested in your private life!''

''So... You are not mad about it? Aren't you going to do anything about it?'' Zszasz was mildly surprised.

''Where did they get that idea?'' Oswald wiped away his tears, still laughing.

''I've got no idea, Oz!'' Ed was curling up from laughter.

''To think that you and me!'' Oswald pointed at Edward and then at himself.

They really find it amusing, Zsasz decided. ''Yeah, whatever, just saying in case you were interested.''

''Thank you, Victor. I'll surely pay them a visit,'' Edward assured him. ''You may go now.''

Assassin shrugged and left them alone. When they decided it was save they spoke.

''Damn it! Do you think they are making it up or do they have some proof?'' Oswald fidgeted with his fingers.

''I don't know, but I've got an idea how are we going to spend this night. It's gonna be fun!''

 

They sneaked into the newspaper office. Ed made sure to turn any security cameras off. Luckily it was some other newspaper than the one that wrote about Ed's nonexistent affair. They would have hard time getting in that place, because it was protected by cops. Somehow no one thought about looking after any newspaper that wrote about the Riddler.

Ed took spray paint out of the bag and handed one to Oswald.

''Spray paint? That's your plan?'' Cobblepot was surprised.

''Yes! Now look out!'' Ed sprayed big green question mark on the wall. ''Now your turn.''

''What I am supposed to do?'' Oswald asked unsurely.

''Spray an umbrella, that's your sign, isn't it? Unless you want to spray a penguin,'' Edward grinned.

Oswald looked mildly irritated at him like he was daring him and then sprayed... a question mark.

''Silly little bird, umbrellas don't look like this,'' Nygma chirped into his husband's ear. ''Let me show you,'' he offered and sprayed an umbrella.

''Hey! Umbrella's mine!'' Penguin scolded him.

''And question mark's mine,'' Edward crossed his arms.

''I can make nicer umbrella than you!'' Oswald sprayed purple umbrella.

They also scoured the office looking for anything that might prove their relationship. There was nothing really proving it, only some leads. They stole them, as well as some things they found useful for any kind of blackmail.

* * *

 

Harvey looked around the office with hands on his hips.

''What do you think, Jim?''

''Ed, clearly doesn't like newspapers. Lucius, how big is the damage?'' Jim touched graffiti.

''Only those markings and several documents might have been stolen. Judging by the presence of umbrellas, I think Penguin helped Edward.''

''But why? This is not big, flashy and glittering crime. Why would Nygma do it? And it is even less likely that Penguin would like to spray some graffiti!'' Bullock wondered.

''Why are both umbrellas and question marks both purple and green? Isn't green Ed's color and purple Oswald's?'' Jim tried to scrape the paint with his nail.

''I don't think that's important. What is important is the fact that both this and previous Ed's dealing with newspaper are connected. One of them wrote about his affair with some woman and the other accused Oswald and Edward of being lovers,'' Lucius looked at his notes.

''Well, apparently Nygma didn't like that,'' Harvey looked around once more. ''Is he going to attack every tabloid that dares to write about his private life now?''

''At least this time we've got no victims,'' Jim scratched his head.

* * *

 

''Boss...'' Victor walked into Oswald's bedroom. He saw Edward and Oswald sleeping in one bed. Tiny smile appeared on his lips.

''Victor, what the heck are you doing here?!'' Penguin screamed. Edward put a pillow over his head, he didn't want to hear Oswald's yelling this early in the morning. ''Do you know what time it is?'' Zsasz shrugged leaning towards door-frame. ''It's five a.m.!''

''Sooo... the newspaper was right after all?'' assassin asked curiously and raised his lack of eyebrows. Oswald grabbed a pillow and threw it at intruder.

''Get! Out!''

''Alright, just asking,'' Zsasz raised his hands in a mock-surrender. ''Anyway, wanted to say you ran out of cookies,'' he said and left their bedroom. Oswald scoffed and fell back on the mattress.

''Damn it! What do we do about it, Ed?''

''Sleep,'' Ed mumbled to sleepy to worry properly about the whole thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments are appreciated. Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you. ;)  
> Anyway, I kind of wish they made Barbara and Lee dating, leaving Jim behind, just like Korra and Asami in The Legend of Korra. Both Jim Gordon and Mako are cops who should have been banned from having any romantic relationship until they learn how to do it right.


	9. Babysitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oswald and Edward are asked to take care of Barbara Lee for one evening.

''Alright, Victor, let's pretend it didn't happen and you saw nothing, OK?'' Oswald and Edward were standing in front of Zsasz, who was sitting on a chair. It looked like they were scolding naughty child. Not that they were happy with this situation. They would have preferred to keep this to themselves. But if everything went smoothly, they wouldn't need to worry about their behaviour around assassin anymore.

''Yeah, totally. Except for that part when you were lying together in that bed,'' Zsasz smirked and crossed his arms. His confidence made Oswald's blood boil.

''Just... just keep it to yourself, alright? We don't want other people to know,'' Penguin covered his face with his palm. Discussing with Victor gave him headache. But having Zsasz on their side was rather useful and having him as enemy was rather dreadful, so he tried to keep his temper at bay. And Zsasz just got a way to blackmail them. Better not to make him think about using it against them.

''May I ask a question?'' assassin tilted his head.

''What is it now?'' Oswald was loosing his patience.

''You've already asked one,'' Edward stated coldly.

''Really? When?'' Victor said without of a hint of paying attention.

''When you asked whether you might ask one.''

''Enough!'' Penguin interrupted them. ''Now listen, Victor! You will keep your mouth shut! Do you understand?''

''Gee, fine boss one,'' he raised his hands in mock surrender and then put them on his laps. ''I just don't see why you insist on keepeing it secret.''

''We've our own reasons behind that,'' Ed assured him.

''So, anyway, how long have you been dating?''

''Dating?'' Oswald raised an eyebrow. He looked quickly at Ed. He read his expression and was almost sure Ed had similar idea. ''Uh, for eight months? Am I right, Ed?'' he asked a bit confused.

''Yes,'' Edward wrapped his arms around Oswald. ''After eight months we got married,'' he smiled and kissed Penguin's cheek. ''But we got engaged after five.''

''Congratulations, you could have invited me to your party,'' Victor pretended to feel offended.

''No, thanks. We don't really dig your music taste,'' Ed said seriously.

''How long have been trying not to look so lovey-dovey?'' Victor got up from his chair, he found it boring to sit there. Oswald rolled his eyes, ignoring part of what he had just heard.

''We got married almost three years ago, if that's what you are asking about,'' Oswald simply said.

''Almost four years,'' Zsasz tilted his head from one side to the other and back again.

''Glad you can count,'' Ed mocked him.

''Yeah, I was just wondering, because you usually behave like a married couple. Like when Sofia send me after you. Or when boss one was a mayor. It's hard to tell whether you were together or not. Were you back then?''

''No! We were not!'' Ed yelled at him.

''I think you've asked enough questions for today, Victor,'' Oswald send him reprimanding look. ''Remember to keep your mouth shut.''

''Yeah, yeah.''

* * *

 

Later Ed and Oswald went to the Iceberg Lounge. The hour was still quite early for this kind of business, maybe around noon. Almost no clients, so they had it almost only for themselves. Edward walked to the piano and started playing. It didn't take more than one gaze from Ed to make Oswald sing along. They quickly turned around when they heard clapping.

''Bravo! Aren't you two talented? You should have become musicans,'' Barbara Kean smiled sweetly, but there was a drop of poison in her expression.

''Well, thank you, Barbara,'' Cobblepot leant heavily on his cane when approaching her. ''Why you paid us a visit so early?''

''I would like to ask you for a favour,'' she said and went on when she saw Ed opening his mouth probably in order to protest. ''Jim and Lee are out tonight and I have important business meeting this evening. Could you please take take of Barbara Lee?''

''We are not babysitters, Barbara!'' Oswald tried not to panic at the thought of taking care of young Kean-Gordon-maybe-Thompkins.

''Oh, but I've heard you are pretty good with children, Ozzie,'' she smiled viciously.

''Who told you that?'' Penguin was taken aback by this statement.

''If anything happens to your daughter, good old Jim will be after us even more than ever. And we don't need any more troubles, Barbara. Thank you very much,'' Ed emphasized his words by playing a note on a piano.

''I'm sure you can keep an eye on a four-years-old for a few hours. I will drop her by at six P.M. and take her with me at nine P.M. Just three hours. Please, just tonight. I literally have no one else to ask for this.''

''Can't Selina babysit her?'' Oswald asked unamused.

''I couldn't find her recently. Jim says she stole some pricey jewellery. She's probably hiding right now. Besides, her place isn't the safest for kids.''

''Foxy?'' Ed asked.

''Haven't you heard? He works for Wayne now and they have busy schedules. I don't know much, but I'm sure he's working on some big project.''

''Harvey?'' Ed tried once more.

''I don't think you're asking me about Dent,'' she laughed. ''And can you imagine Bullock taking care of kids?''

''Wayne's butler?'' Oswald almost cried in desperation. ''We are criminalists, you can't leave your kid with us! What is Jim going to say about this? I'm sure he's not going to approve this.''

Edward looked at Oswald and Oswald looked at him. They waited for any response, but their reasons didn't seem to convince Barbara. Ed shrugged and Oswald shook his head.

''Alright, but just tonight. And you will owe us a favour too.''

''Great, see you at six!'' Barbara turned around and left.

Ed stood up and joined Oswald.

''Maybe this won't be that bad? You seemed to be pretty easy going with Martin,'' Nygma placed his hand on his husband's shoulder.

''Don't tell me you really believe that I'm good with children,'' Oswald looked at Ed.

Ed was left agape for a while staring at Penguin, but his mouth slowly formed a smile and there were sparkles in his eyes. Oswald was mesmerized by this view, he felt pure affection beaming from his partner, he thought that for this short moment Ed forgot about the whole world. Most likely he was right – he knew Nygma like no one else and he took pride in this. Many tried to solve the enigma that Edward Nygma was, but Oswald didn't even have to try. They shouldn't act so fascinated with each other outside their home, but Cobblepot couldn't care less about it – this was their moment of happiness. He smiled back.

''I think you are great with children, you just don't want to admit it, Ozzie,'' Ed whispered like he was telling some well-guarded secret.

''Ed, I don't even like children!'' Penguin chuckled.

''No one does until they do,'' Nygma looked at him all too smugly.

 

Both Barbaras came at six o'clock, the older one holding younger one's hand.

''Barbara Lee, be nice and say hello to uncle Penguin and uncle Riddler,'' Barbara senior prompted her daughter.

''Uncle?'' Oswald asked doubtfully.

''Hello, uncles. My name is Barbara Lee and I live with my mom and...,'' Barbara Junior started.

''You don't have to tell your life story, sweety,'' adult woman kissed her daughter's head. ''Play nice, alright? I shall be back in three hours,'' then turned her attention back to both men. ''Thanks once more. She shouldn't cause you any problems.''

''What friends are for?'' Oswald smiled and let Barbara Lee in their house. Then they waved at Barbara Kean as she was leaving.

''Why mommy calls you 'penguin'? You don't look like one!'' the child looked curiously at Oswald.

''That's just the way my friends call me, you know. Friends call each other various nicknames,'' Oswald tried to make some family-friendly explanation.

''And what about you? Why 'riddler'?'' she asked Ed.

''Because I like riddles and ask people riddles. Wanna hear some?'' Riddler offered.

''Ed, please, no,'' Oswald begged. ''I don't think it's the best idea.''

''Sure!'' Barbara Lee ignored Oswald.

''What's green and then red?''

''Mmm...'' Barbara seemed to be using all of her intellect to solve this. ''Poppy!''

''No... but pretty creative way of thinking,'' Ed applauded.

''What is it, then? Tell me, tell me, tell me!'' Barbara started jumping all around.

''Frogs in a blender!'' Edward laughed.

''Eck, why would there be frogs in a ble-bland, blander?'' she wondered.

''Well, you see,'' Ed was making up an excuse.

''I think that's quite enough, Ed, we don't want to give her trauma, she's just four years old!'' Penguin reminded.

''Soon I'll be five!'' she stated with childlike overconfidence.

''You're right,'' Oswald sighed. ''Hey, what about we do something else than riddles? Hm?'' hearing this Edward scoffed and rolled his eyes, but Oswald went on. ''What would you like to do?''

''Draw!'' the response came quickly.

''I'll bring some paper and crayons and you look after her,'' Ed offered.

''Hello, kid!'' Zsasz peaked his head. ''Is this little Kean?'' he entered the living room.

''Yes, Victor, this is Barbara Kean's daughter,'' Oswald said, trying to give assassin hints that he is not welcome anywhere near children, which of course Zsasz ignored. Or maybe it just went over his head. Nevertheless, crime lord tried once more. ''Don't you have something else to do?''

''Not really, boss one,'' Victor shrugged. ''Hey, kiddo, wanna see my guns?''

''No, Victor, she. Is. Not. Seeing. Any. Weapons!'' Penguin tried not to lose is temper in front of young Barbara.

''My dad has guns. And he's like 'bang bang!','' she pretended to shoot from her hands. ''And he catches bad people!'' she put her finger into her nose.

Ed came back with crayons, just in time to hear that.

''We know your dad,'' he said.

''Really? He never told me about you!'' she marvelled. ''Mommy told me about you today. Why they didn't tell me earlier?''

''Parents don't tell their children everything. Just like you don't tell your parents everything,'' Ed smiled, but it was rather stiff smile.

''Yeah,'' she looked embarassed at her feet. ''Let's play cops and thieves! Y'know, I'll be trying to catch you and put you in-in...'' she said like a typical child with attention span lasting five seconds.

''Jail,'' Oswald prompted.

''Yeah, that!'' she said excited.

''I don't think it's good idea. You see... Oswald's leg is hurt and he can't run,'' Edward said sympathetically.

''Why your leg's not in a plaster?'' she asked and her voice made it clear that she was judging him.

''It's an old injury,'' Oswald waved this off.

''Hmm... Older than me?'' she asked.

''Yes,'' Penguin smiled at this question.

''Wow, that's a lot!'' Barbara stated and Oswald laughed out loud.

''Yes, it is,'' he nodded. ''But don't worry about it. I'm sure Ed can play with you.''

''May I join too?'' Zsasz asked.

''Yes,'' Barbara smiled with childlike innocence.

''Alright, try to catch me, miss police officer!'' assassin hid behind the sofa.

 

When Barbara Kean came to pick her daughter up, Oswald opened up the door for her and she entered their manor. In the living room she saw Barbara Lee drawing with Edward Nygma and Victor Zsasz, patting Edward the dog from time to time. Young Barbara turned around.

''Mommy!'' she ran to her and hugged her mother's legs.

''Missed you too,'' woman brushed her daughter's hair. ''Did you have a good time?''

''Yes! We were playing cops and then watching cartoons and uncle Riddler made us cocoa!''

''Yes, I can see that,'' Barbara senior laughed looking at her daughter's face covered in brown lubricant. ''Well, thank you for taking care of Barbara Lee.''

''It's been a pleasure,'' Oswald smiled maybe too politely.

''I haven't heard you were working again with Zsasz,'' she noted.

''We are. For several months, actually.''

''Alright, we should be going now. Barbara, what do we say?'' she asked her child kindly.

''Bye, uncle Penguin, uncle Riddler and mister bald!'' she waved goodbye.

''Bye!'' all three men waved back.

''Did you hear that? She called you 'mister bald'!'' Edward was wheezing.

''And called both of you her uncles,'' Victor said drinking his cocoa.

''I don't know which one is funnier,'' Oswald said lounging on a sofa. ''Ah, silence at last,'' he relaxed, putting his hands under his head.

''Are you sure you don't want to get one or five for yourselves?'' Zsasz asked. ''Because I can totally arrange that.''

''No, thanks, Victor,'' Penguin huffed.

''You sure? You two seem to be pretty easy going with children.''

''Yes, we're sure, Zsasz,'' Ed looked mildly annoyed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zsasz loves to annoy and tease Os and Ed, doesn't he?  
> I've never really explained how I see Edward's duality and I kind of feel the need to do it. I think he talks to himself when he is stressed or he needs to sort something out, think something over. I see it as his coping mechanism. On everyday routine he is a mixture of his Ed and Riddler personas, during heists he has more Riddler qualities, but as the time goes, his personalities get more merged. Stressful or traumatic events cause him to become more split (like Oswald's death or Arkham). That's just my opinion on this matter for this fic. :)


	10. The return of Bruce Wayne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce Wayne returns and throws a party for Gotham's social elite. Meanwhile, Ed and Oswald make an important decision for their marriage. There are some throwbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long, a bit longer than chapter 6. I am lazy, so I haven't done proof reading and I'd like to apologise for any mistakes.

''Don't try to excuse yourself, Edward!'' Oswald yelled. ''I saw you flirting with that woman at the bar!''

''For the hundredth time I'm telling you I wasn't flirting with her!'' Ed screamed back.

''Stop lying! It would be easier for both of us if had just told the truth. How could you have done this to me after everything we've been through together?'' Oswald clenched his fists and put them on his chest.

''And here you go again...'' Ed pointed at his interlocutor with a wave of hand. ''Trying to emotionally blackmail me. Classic,'' he scoffed. ''You never change, do you?''

''And what about you?'' Penguin screeched fully offended. ''Maybe all those newspapers are right when they write about your affairs!''

''Oh, no, you are not going to talk to me like that!'' Edward shook his index finger, warning that he was at the end of his tether.

''And what if I'm going to?'' Oswald pushed the vase and let it shatter to countless pieces. ''I'm done talking to you!''

''Good, because I'm done talking to you too!'' Nygma didn't really have any idea how to effectively talk back.

Oswald rushed upstairs. ''Good thing you didn't get any invitation to that Wayne kid party! You know what? I'm gonna wear my coat with feathered rim for it! I know you love it!'' he went on with his rant and threats. ''I'm sure there is going to be a lot of young handsome men. Maybe I'll spend some time with one or two of them? How would you like that, Ed?!''

Edward sulked and crossed his arms, sinking back into couch. It was true – he loved that coat. He would never admit that, he had a certain reputation to defend, but it was so soft and fluffy. And looked divine on Oswald, made him look even more bird-like.

He also felt bad about not being invited. Not that he was a party animal, but why would anyone invite the infamous Penguin and at the same time not invite the Riddler? Sure, Oswald was also seen as an established businessman, but Ed was his business partner, wasn't he? At first Oswald dismissed it with a wave of hand, thinking that Ed's invitation got lost, as simple as that, and offered to take Ed as his plus one. Which led Nygma to complaining even more this was about prestige and how society didn't think of them as equals. Oswald asked him not to think about those people (or as Ed called them 'imbeciles') and how he was sure this was simply a mistake and that he was sure Gothamites respected the Riddler.

And the thing with that brown-haired gal? Fine, maybe he had a drink with her, so what? They were just talking. She actually recognised him, which was rather nice. There was nothing he had to apologise for. Hasn't Oswald had drinks with others? Maybe he should try talking to Oswald? No, he thought, he cannot let him win, he wasn't the guilty one, Oswald sometimes wasn't able to tame his jealousy.

He sighed and leant forward, hiding his face in his hands. He rubbed his eyes and then cheeks. Maybe this woman was hitting on him a bit. She wasn't the only one, to be honest. But he had never been unfaithful. It just felt good to be recognised and admired. People didn't seem to be this interested in Oswald, even though it was Edward who had killed his first and third girlfriends and whose second girlfriend had been killed by his best friend. Perhaps women (and sometimes men too) wouldn't be so eager to flirt with Ed, had they known about their marriage. There weren't that many people this stupid to voluntarily step on Penguin's territory. Yes, he should talk with Oswald about this. However, if he wanted his husband to listen, they had to reconcile. ''Damn, you, Oswald,'' he muttered, getting up. ''I'll let you this one time win, but that's it!''

''Oswald?'' he knocked at the door of Oswald's office.

''Go away, I am not in the mood for talking to you now, Ed!''

Edward ignored him, turned the knob and walked inside.

''What? Are you deaf or something?'' Oswald spat.

Ed had to swallow his pride. ''I'm sorry, Ozzie. I didn't want to upset you.''

''Well, congratulations, you did it anyway!''

Nygma walked closer and stood behind Oswald's chair. He placed his hands on Penguin's shoulders and started massaging him.

''Ed, stop,'' Oswald requested.

''Relax, don't be so tense.''

Oswald looked up, so he could see Ed. ''What do you want?''

''I love you,'' Edward kissed Cobblepot's forehead. ''I thought about the situation at the Lounge and I... ah, how to say it,'' he wasn't sure how to start this conversation right, so he wouldn't enrage Oswald even more. ''I think our agreement needs revising, so to speak.'' Oswald replied with giving him a curious look, so he elaborated more. ''You see, during this years some things have changed-''

Penguin interrupted him. ''Edward, you are not making me feel relaxed at all.''

''Hush and let me finish,'' Ed gently squeezed his partner's shoulders. ''What I wanted to say is maybe there is no need to keep our marriage secret anymore?''

''You are the one who insisted on hiding it, I'd like to remind you,'' Oswald noted sarcastically.

''I know, but this city has changed. I didn't want to let other people know, because they had used us against each other in the past. I didn't want them to hurt you in order to get to me and I didn't want them to use me to blackmail you. I was afraid of other rogues, but now we have a deal with them. Even Zsasz is working for us again and now he knows! Come on, Oswald, don't you want to stop hiding? Not to be afraid of showing too much affection in public? To be free at last?''

''Convince me, mister Nygma,'' Oswald dared him with sly smile.

''Besides, it could be also benefical to us. Spouses can't be legally forced to testify against each other.''

''What do you suggest then?'' Oswald raised his eyebrow.

Edward wasn't exactly prepared for this question. He had to improvise. ''Well, we could have official wedding party.''

''Eddie, darling, we are already married. To have a wedding we would have to get divorced and if that's what you are offering, it's the worst idea of yours so far,'' Oswald gave him sceptical look.

''No, I wasn't implying that,'' Ed idled nervously with his fingers.

''Good. It would be pretty dire idea to offer a divorce after an argument.''

''You started it.''

''Ed, just stop for a minute, could you please?'' Oswald's jaw tightened.

''Right, sorry. Anyway, we could renew our vows.''

''Wow, you are a truly romantic at heart,'' Oswald rolled his eyes. ''But no, it wouldn't look good on invitations,'' he turned his nose up.

''What are your ideas, then?'' Ed sat on Oswald's desk and crossed his arms.

''I don't know, but I'll think about it, OK?'' Penguin gave Ed a dismissive pat on a knee. ''Oh and Eddie?''

''Hm?''

''I'm still mad at you.''

 

Oswald felt he was falling asleep, when a thought struck him. ''Party,'' he said aloud.

''Ngh?'' Ed mumbled, pulling Oswald closer, locking him in an embrace, his arms around Penguin's stomach.

''We could come out at Wayne's party. Social elite is going to be there,'' Oswald explained.

''Mmhm,'' Ed muttered something about affirmative.

 

''Have you given my idea a thought?'' Oswald asked during their breakfast.

''And your idea is?'' Ed asked unsurely.

Oswald let a long sigh, giving his impatience away. ''We could announce our marriage at Bruce Wayne's party. It would be the first time we would go in public as a couple. We could finally dance together and share kisses and use our pet names,'' his mind drifted into the lands of fantasy. ''Act like a normal couple. What do you think, Ed?''

''I don't know, I'm not sure. What are we supposed to do? Act like we do in home? People would start asking questions.''

''Exactly! We would just tell them we are married,'' Oswald shrugged.

''It sounds like exhibitionism to me. Maybe if it was our party, it could be quite fine, but coming to somebody's place? We don't need for other people to think we belong in Arkham.''

''If we play this out correctly, we'd look in the worst case like a couple of eccentrics, which isn't bad, honestly. Snobs like eccentrics. Besides, we are already viewed as a bunch of weirdos. It can't cause our reputation any more harm. Just leave talking to me. We both know you've got the brain and I've got people skills, that's why we make such a great team.''

''Does it mean you'd take me with you to the party?'' Ed smirked.

''Well, yes, obviously,'' Oswald made circles in the air with his fork.

''I can vaguely remember you mentioning your feathered coat,'' Ed's fingers moved like spider legs towards Oswald's hand.

''Only if you are going to wear your shiny green suit I got for you for Christmas,'' Penguin bargained.

''Looks like we've got a deal,'' Ed kissed Oswald's temple.

''Don't you think the young Wayne came back rather unexpectedly?'' Oswald drummed his fingers on the table.

''Just like he left. Selina said he hadn't even said goodbye to her.''

''I'm sure she's furious with him. No farewell and come back after five years? If I was her, I would have ripped his head off! I can't even imagine you doing such a thing to me! What kind of person treats their friends like that?'' said Oswald.

''We almost parted our ways for good, for that matter,'' Ed reminded.

''But at least we said our goodbyes. Leaving without it is rather ungentlemanly,'' Oswald did not hide his resentment. Edward coughed.

''What?'' Oswald shook his head. ''I might be a criminal, but I am also a man of manners and fashion.''

''Is that why you eat so sloppily?''

''Eddie, honey, don't test my patience,'' Oswald gave him a wry smile.

 

''How do I look?'' Oswald stood at the top of the staircase. He fixed his cuffs and turned around, so Ed could see him better. He was wearing the promised black coat with black feathers rim. His hair were up, with a purple streak. He haven't put his monocle on, it didn't really suit that style.

''Absolutely divine,'' Ed assured him.

''Isn't that purple dye too much, though? I wanted something extravagant for our first official party,'' Oswald gently touched his hairstyle.

''It looks gorgeous... you look gorgeous,'' Ed added and Oswald blushed a bit.

''And you look wonderful, my dear,'' Oswald went down.

''I hope you put your ring on and you are not going to wear those gloves inside Wayne's manor?'' Ed wanted to make sure.

''Of course I put it on! I hope you did the same thing.''

''Yes, don't worry. Don't move for a second,'' Ed asked and licked his finger.

''What?'' Cobblepot froze in shock.

Ed rubbed Oswald's eyelid. ''Your mascara,'' he explained with a smile.

''Oh, thanks,'' Oswald fluttered his eyelashes. ''Our grand night awaits.''

''Just one more thing,'' Edward's mischievous grin gave away his dubious intentions.

''Edward Nygma!'' Penguin squeaked scandalised as Ed grabbed his butt. ''You are not going to behave like this in the society!''

''For the record, we are not in the society but in our home. Shall we now?'' Ed asked and offered Oswald his arm, which Oswald took unhesitantly.

''Lead the way, mister Nygma,'' Oswald pointed at the door with open hand.

''As you wish, mister Cobblepot.''

 

They passed the gate of Wayne's manor. Oswald recalled quite contently how he and Butch had killed Teo Galavan in this place. Their limo stopped, driver got out and opened the door for them. Riddler and Penguin walked side by side to the door of the mansion, where Bruce's butler awaited guests. Oswald handed him his invitation.

''Mister Cobblepot. Mister Nygma,'' Alfred welcomed them with a gentlemanly nod.

''Mister Nygma is keeping me company,'' Oswald explained before Alfred could ask any questions.

''Naturally,'' the butler kept a straight face and welcomed other guests as villains moved forward.

''Ozzie!'' Barbara greeted them. ''You look fabulous!'' she kissed the air next to Oswald's cheek and he welcomed her in similar manner. ''And you, Nygma, look like a disco ball,'' she eyed Ed's shiny green suit and trousers, silver boots and black shirt with a black tie.

''Thanks,'' Ed responded stiffly.

''He looks stunning, doesn't he?'' Oswald whispered into Barbara's ear.

''Oh, Ozzie!'' Kean snorted and patted his shoulder. ''You'd better keep your eye on him. You know what I mean,'' she pulled him closer and whispered back.

''I don't intend to do otherwise,'' Penguin took a glass of champagne for Ed and one for himself, as Barbara had already one in hand.

''Cheers to that,'' she raised her glass.

''What were you talking about? Have you told her?'' Ed asked curiously when they were in a safe distance from Barbara.

''No, not yet. Just made a suggestion,'' Oswald wiggled his eyebrows. ''Look out!'' he warned and put on his polite smile. ''Jim, Lee, it's so nice to see you!''

Hearing this Ed quickly turned around.

''I can see that Bruce wasn't too picky when inviting people,'' Jim couldn't stop himself from making this remark.

''Jim!'' Lee scolded him.

''I can see that the monstrosity on your face is doing pretty well,'' Oswald responded with polite yet poisonous voice.

''Told you!'' said Lee.

''Why is everyone complaining about my mustage?'' Gordon brushed his facial hair.

''Because it looks bad. Don't you have mirrors in your home, Lee?'' Ed asked.

''We do, but Jim avoids them,'' Lee joked.

''Once Harvey tried to ambush shave me. And I highly doubt he shaves.''

''Yes, but Harvey is Harvey,'' Lee noted.

''I wouldn't be surprised if you tried to help Bullock with his ambush,'' Oswald took a sip of champagne.

''Did you, Lee?'' Jim gave her accusatory look.

''I think I've seen Foxy, so if you'd forgive me, I'd like to have a word with him,'' Ed excused himself.

''Sure, Eddie,'' Oswald brushed Ed's arm and Ed in return patted Penguin's shoulder, maybe it took him a little bit too much time, but that coat was very fluffy. Ed coughed awkwardly and left.

''Where did that come from?'' Jim asked, looking at Ed and then at Oswald, who shrugged with an innocent smile.

''Sometimes you are pretty blind for a police officer, Jim,'' Lee grabbed her husband's hand.

''What are you implying, Lee?'' Oswald asked and hid his hands behind his back.

 

''Foxy!'' Edward called.

''Nygma, nice to see you. I see Penguin came here too.''

''Yes, I didn't get an invitation. Doesn't matter,'' Ed waved it off. ''Anyway, how's your job at Wayne's Enterprises?''

''Going pretty well, more enjoyable than working at GCPD. Would you like to join?'' Lucius joked.

''I don't think I would get a job with my CV.''

''Something's on your mind?'' Fox asked. ''You seem rather pensive.''

''Really? Everything's fine,'' Ed crossed his arms and let a longing sigh. He watched Oswald leaving Lee and Jim alone and his guess was he freaked out.

''You keep staring at Penguin,'' Lucius tilted his head.

''He looks good,'' Ed shrugged. ''In this coat, I mean,'' he added quickly, but felt his face turning red.

''Ed, may I ask you a question?'' Lucius gave him a curious look.

''I'm going to regret saying 'yes','' Ed looked at the ceiling.

''When have you realised you had feeling for Oswald?'' Foxy asked calmly.

''What? Weird question!'' Ed fussed. ''I mean, I, that is, uh, I need to talk to Oswald.''

Lucius eyes slipped to Ed's ring. He gave Ed all-knowing look. ''You two are unbearable. Go ahead,'' he said with a hint of laughter in his voice.

''Yeah, I think I'll better go now,'' never in his life Ed felt so embarrassed.

 

''Alfred, I don't think I've invited the Riddler,'' Bruce voiced his concern.

''I believe mister Nygma is mister Cobblepot's plus one.''

''Alright, I should have predicted this,'' Bruce pondered for a moment.

''There you are!'' Selina shouted.

''Selina! It's delight to see you again!'' young Wayne welcomed her with open arms.

''I'll be welcoming other guests if you need me, master Bruce,'' Alfred nodded and left the youngsters alone.

''Maybe you shouldn't leave at all? Or at least you could say you were leaving!'' she pushed him.

''Selina stop it!'' Bruce demanded.

''Wow, that's all you've got to say after five years?'' she put her hands on her hips.

''Look, Selina, I'm sorry!'' he begged.

''Now it's too late! Do you really think I could just forgive you like that? You don't know me. No one does,'' she turned her back and started walking away.

''Selina, wait! Please, I didn't want to upset you.''

Selina turned around, showed him two middle fingers and disappeared in the crowd.

 

Ed grabbed Oswald's hand. ''Can we talk alone for a moment?''

''I'm not talking with anyone else at the moment, Ed.''

''I know, but I meant some more secluded place,'' Nygma bit his nails.

''That's a good idea,'' Oswald looked around like someone was spying on them. ''Let's go.''

They hid behind the wall in the next room.

''Oswald, I'm nervous,'' Ed confessed.

''I know, me too!'' Penguin grabbed Ed by his jacket. ''Have you told Lucius?''

''No.''

''Okay, no,'' Oswald inhaled and exhaled slowly.

''But he knows, he saw my ring,'' Ed stated matter-of-factly.

''Okay, let's not panic, Lucius Fox knows,'' Oswald was pacing back and forth. ''Lee is suspecting we are together, I'm not sure she knows how close we are.''

Ed put his hands on Oswald's shoulders to stop him from walking around. ''We've come this far, we can't retreat now.''

''Right, you're right,'' Oswald was shaking from emotions. ''What's the plan? We tell Barbara, Jim, Lee... I think I've seen Selina arguing with billionaire-boy.''

''Give me a kiss for good luck and we go,'' Ed cupped Oswald's face. They leant against each other and kissed.

''Excuse me?!'' Selina asked and they jumped in shock and terror.

''Selina, hi!'' Oswald waved, trying to hide his embarrassment.

''It's not what you think, catgirl,'' Ed spoke and Oswald poked him with his elbow.

''Really? I think it took you long enough,'' she crossed her arms.

''What I, no, we wanted to say is that we are married,'' Ed said and felt his blood pressure raising.

''Congrats! Looks like you've got better luck with love than me,'' she scoffed. ''So... are you going to make out here? Get yourselves a room! There are other people in here!''

''In this room there are only three people,'' Ed straightened his suit.

''Just warning you, so you don't gross others,'' Selina raised her hands and shrugged. ''Do as you want, I guess,'' she turned around and walked away, but returned after a moment. ''Oh, and anyway, about all rogues assumed you were together in someway.''

''Are we this obvious?'' Oswald asked.

''Yeah. You're doing pretty shitty job hiding your feelings,'' Catwoman nodded and left them alone.

''We really should have told them earlier,'' Oswald stared at the place where Selina stood a minute earlier.

''Agreed,'' Ed said coldly.

''Well, let's confirm people's assumptions. I need a drink,'' Oswald put his palm on his cheek and looked at his husband.

''Me too,'' Ed stated absentmindedly.

 

They caught Barbara chatting with Lee and Jim. After short exchange of looks, they decided to approach them. Ed grabbed drinks on their way.

''Thanks, Ed,'' Oswald took a glass and Ed gave gave him a smile and a pat on his back.

''May we join you?'' Oswald asked politely.

''Sure, Ozzie,'' Barbara said in her sweetest tone. It made Oswald want to throw up. ''Such a grand party, isn't it?'' she went on with her small talk.

Ed pushed himself closer to the Penguin and put his hand on Oswald's back, gently rubbing it. ''Actually, we wanted to tell you something.''

''Oh, what is it?'' Lee asked.

''It's quite embarrassing,'' Oswald muttered.

''Yeah, I mean we've never said it out loud until tonight,'' Ed sipped from his glass, looking for a comfort.

''Is it worse than commiting a murder? That's the thing you've never had problems admitting,'' Jim put his hands on his hips in a defensive pose.

''At first I had problems with that, for that matter,'' Ed stared at Gordon coldly.

''And I would never tell my mother that I'm a criminal!'' Oswald felt offended.

''Jim, stop,'' Barbara put her hand on Gordon's chest. ''Let them talk.''

''Thank you, Barbara,'' said Oswald.

''So?'' former queen of Gotham was losing her patience.

''We are-'' Oswald felt heat on his face and was almost grateful for Edward's interruption.

''Married,'' Ed finished the sentence.

''I expected something more surprising,'' Barbara picked a grape.

''I wasn't expecting that,'' Jim confessed.

''Oh God!'' Lee snorted. ''I'm sorry,'' she covered her mouth. ''I knew you loved each other, but I thought you'd never get it going.''

''Still, I'm offended you didn't invite me to your wedding!'' Barbara pierced them with her eyes.

''When you got married?'' Jim tried to catch up with the topic.

''Three years ago,'' Oswald said, looking at Ed like at the most precious treasure.

''Wait...'' Jim pondered. ''It was before your bank robbery when Harvey found you trying to murder each other, right?''

''Yeah, we had a little disagreement,'' Oswald shrugged. Some couples throw plates at each other when arguing, some point their guns at each other.

''A little? You said you wanted divorce!'' disgust at the word appeared at Nygma's face.

''Ouch,'' Barbara made remark.

''I didn't say that,'' Oswald noted. ''Only that I regretted marrying you, which, I hope you know, is not true.''

''And what about that war between you?'' Jim asked.

''What war? There was no... ah, that one,'' Oswald nodded.

''Is that an interrogation, commissioner?'' Ed smirked smugly.

''No, couldn't put you in jail then and I doubt you are going to reveal some important information for that case. Just curious, it doesn't match the picture.''

''We faked that. No one wanted old crime families back, well, what was felt of them, so we gathered them in opposite fractions and let them kill each other. We didn't really take part in that aside of our 'The Penguin versus The Riddler' agenda. Eddie, do you remember whether we were dating back then?'' Oswald wondered.

''I can't recall, really. It was somewhere around that time,'' Ed said.

''Wasn't that about four years ago?'' Lee reminded.

''It took you one more year after reunification to actually start dating? You are so useless!'' Barbara dropped her hands in disappointment.

''We have complicated past,'' Oswald stated defensively.

''Honey, everyone in here has,'' Barbara tilted her head in Selina's direction. She was once again arguing with Bruce.

* * *

 

Ed tried to gather his thoughts, he was really nervous about it. It took him some time to finally come to terms with his feelings for Oswald. He had to tell him, he owed him at least that much. What if Oswald didn't love him anymore? The more emotional part (Ed had it and no amount of denying its existence could erase it) said that, yes, of course, it was quite visible with Oswald's demeanor towards him. But his logical part said that after everything he did to his dearest friend, he couldn't love him anymore, he used it up. Or maybe the logical part told him that Oswald's actions made Oswald's feelings clear and the emotional that after so many heartbreaks Ed caused Penguin, he didn't love him? Ed couldn't really tell. He gathered up all of his courage. Was it how Oswald felt when he tried to confess his feelings? Deciding to be a coward in the last moment before he could admit his love?

''Oswald, we need to talk,'' Ed started slowly.

''What is it, Ed? I hope its nothing serious?'' Oswald grabbed Ed's arms. ''You're behaving weirdly recently. I'm getting worried.''

''I... didn't meant to worry you. I think it's rather important thing I need to address,'' Ed tried to stay calm.

''Are you in danger?'' Oswald's eyes grew big his concern and hurt Ed to see his friend, no, his love - Ed let himself finally think, so worried.

''No! I'm fine, I promise,'' Ed smiled to clear the air.

''Uh, good then,'' Oswald visibly relaxed and sat on the couch. ''What do you want to talk about?''

''Oswald, it is not easy for me to talk about it, so I hope you'll forgive me. I think we need to talk about our friendship,'' Ed sat next to Oswald, but avoided looking at him. Still, he felt him tensing again.

Oswald opened and closed his mouth several times like a fish on the land, before speaking out. ''What about it, Edward?''

''I just wanted you to know how important it is to me, how important you are to me,'' Ed brushed gently Oswald's arms.

''Uh, thank you, Ed,'' Oswald replied slightly confussed. ''I'd like you to know I feel the same way about you.''

''I hope you really do,'' Ed thought, but didn't say it out loud.

''You are my only friend and my best friend, I couldn't have asked for better friend,'' Ed went on with his rambling.

''Don't flatter me, we both know I am terrible friend,'' Oswald saddened.

''That's not true, Oswald!'' Ed protested. ''Our past is not... ideal, so to speak, but let the past stay in the past. Yes, I know – you've hurt me and betrayed me, but I've hurt and betrayed you just the same. But in spite of the things that happened between us, we are friends again. And I would never trade it for anything else, the realisation there is a person cares about you and accepts you, no matter what and the realisation there is person you feel the same way about is... it's just priceless,'' Ed heard his voice breaking.

''Ed, are you sick?'' Oswald touched his forehead.

''I've told you I'm fine,'' Ed chuckled. ''Oswald, listen, no other person in the entire universe, would have sacrificed so much for me. Your eye,'' Ed gently touched with his thumb skin around Oswald's glass eye. ''You've lost it because of me. You could have died!''

''Ed, I've told you, it's nothing. I've done what I could. Besides, I wouldn't have happened if I listened to you at the pier,'' Oswald wanted to take Ed's hand and place it on other place than his face, but at the same time he was simply mesmerised by the touch.

''But I stayed. I couldn't just leave you like that. I've stayed for you,'' Ed admitted.

''I know, Ed. Your excuse with the submarine and the feelings for the city was lousy. But you couldn't tell it, could you? Not with Jim and Harvey in the room. Not with me listening.''

''But I can say it know,'' Ed said it like it was a spell which would help him finally speak certain three words. ''Sometimes I marvel why you keep forgiving me over and over again.''

''Because you forgive me. And I've got no one else,'' Oswald was on the edge of tears.

''Then there are two of us,'' Ed joked. ''Will you believe me?'' he asked.

''Believe what?'' Oswald didn't have any idea where was it going.

Edward looked Oswald into eyes. They were so beautiful, one green and one blue and it hurt him to know the cause of the blue one. ''I've been meaning to tell you this for some time, but it scared me. I guess it's what you felt. And I'm sorry it took me so much time to finally see it.''

''Ed, what is it?'' Oswald shook his friend by his shoulders.

Many different expressions crossed Ed's face: fright, confusion, insecurity. His lips trembled.

''Ed?'' Oswald repeated.

''I love you,'' Edward broke and melted into Oswald. He put his forehead on Penguin's shoulder and cried. It felt cathartic.

''What?'' Oswald freaked out. ''I think I haven't heard you correctly,'' he regained his poise.

''No, you did,'' Ed's head was spinning and he wouldn't be so surprised if his heart stopped.

''Edward, I appreciate your sentiment, but I'm not sure you've named it correctly,'' Oswald tried to act civil.

''I've done it correctly at last. I know it took me too long to understand it, acknowledge it and accept it, but it's true, Oswald,'' Ed cupped Oswald's face.

''No, you are wrong, I'm sorry, Ed,'' Penguin slapped Nygma's hands. ''You've made it perfectly clear you could never love me!'' anger took him over.

''I was wrong! Maybe I loved you this whole time!'' Ed begged.

''Now you are just imaginating things! Ed, I'd like to believe you are not hurting me like this on purpose,'' Oswald accused him.

''I don't want to hurt you, Oswald. I just wanted you to know.''

''Then you should have thought better of this! You know it would hurt me,'' Oswald poked Ed's chest with his finger.

''Why?'' Nygma asked.

''You have the audacity to ask? Do you want me to say it? Really?'' Cobblepot dared him. ''Fine! I love you!'' he spat with anger.

''You really do? After all this things?'' now it was Edward's turn to doubt the words of his friend. ''Oh, Oswald!'' he spoke so softly like all the air was about to escape his lungs.

''I've never really stopped,'' Oswald confessed. ''That is why we could never be together anything more than friends.''

''What?'' Ed blinked in disbelief.

''Even if what you say is true, how long it would take for us to fall apart again? It could be the fatal strike for both of us. I want to spare both of us another heartbreak,'' Oswald explained.

''But you said we were meant for each other!'' Ed reminded.

''Not in that way, Ed,'' Oswald shook his head. ''I'm sorry to disappoint you,'' Oswald got up and headed upstairs. When Ed heard the sound of closing door, he stood up too and entered his bedroom. He lied on a bed and stared at the ceiling, but couldn't fall asleep, so he turned back on his stomach and buried his face in his pillow.

''Stupid! You knew it wouldn't work! Oswald doesn't want us like that!'' he muttered.

_''Well, at least we know he loves us, it's still some win,''_ said the Riddler.

''But what if he won't be able to look at me again? If he's right? If this ends up destroying our friendship?''

_''One badly-timed love confession can't break it if it still exists,''_ the Riddler stated matter-of-factly.

''Don't need to remind me,'' Ed grumbled. He got up and decided to clear his mind by taking a walk around the manor. He heard cries when he passed Oswald's room. He stopped and was about to knock, but decided against it. He couldn't really help his – what should he call him now? He lost the will for the walk, so he returned to his room.

''Idiot! Now he's crying because of you!'' Ed truly despised himself at that moment.

 

Oswald was lying in his bed and crying. Edward loved him. It was too hard too believe it, yet he knew it was true by the look it Ed's eyes. It was all he ever wanted and all he would ever need. But, of course, he had to ruin it just like he always ended up destroying their relationship. He could have, he should have accepted this, they could be finally happy. Was Ed heartbroken now? He wanted to save him from this, but maybe he caused it? Or maybe Ed never ever again wanted anything to do with him anymore? Will he see him in the morning? Will Ed leave him? Oswald decided that if he ever gets the chance to date Edward Nygma, he was not going to slip it past his fingers again.

 

Oswald walked downstairs and smelled something delicious, so he followed the scent. To his pleasant surprise he found Ed in the kitchen. Ed was still here! Was he mad at him? Maybe he could fix it? ''Ed, I think we should talk,'' he said.

''There's nothing to talk about. You were right – I involuntary hurt you and it was cruel of me. I shouldn't have treated you like that,'' Ed stirred scrumbled eggs. ''I'm sorry. You have all the reasons to be mad at me. We don't have to talk about this anymore,'' he found enough courage to face Oswald. ''I just hope you still consider me your friend.''

''Ed, please, don't be sorry, I've hurt you too. You'll always be my friend. And I'm not mad you, in the fact, I am grateful you trust me enough to be sincere with me. But there is one thing that's bugging me.''

''What is it?'' Ed asked.

''No, I should not ask, it's pretty awkward as it is now,'' Oswald changed his mind.

''I don't mind, go ahead,'' Ed encouraged him.

''Are you sure?'' Oswald asked and Ed nodded. ''Just don't tell me I didn't warn you. How long have been, uh, you know?'' he felt uneasy saying that.

''In love with you?'' Ed raised an eyebrow.

''Yes,'' Oswald looked at his slippers. ''Don't answer it if you don't want to, I'll understand.''

''Honestly? I don't know. I've always found you interesting, you pulled me to you like a magnet. Maybe even back way before all the bad things between us happened. Or maybe since I shot Penn, however it could be the time I've started realising it.''

''And you've never told me before?'' Oswald was more reasoning with it than accusing Ed this time.

''I've never got the chance. No, that's not true, I was simply too scared of your reaction,'' Ed returned to making breakfast.

''I'm sorry for my behaviour yesterday.''

''It wasn't unusual for you, I should have been prepared for it,'' Ed dismissed Oswald's concern.

''We're fine, then?'' Oswald wanted to make sure.

''Sure,'' Ed shrugged. He tried not to show this, but all he could think about was how differrently things could have turned out, that they could have been together now.

Oswald took deep breath. ''Does the offer still stand?'' he asked.

''Beg your pardon?'' Ed gave him rather not understanding look.

''I've thought about it and I've changed my mind. About what I've said yesterday,'' Oswald added. ''I'd like to,'' he breathed in again. ''To be with you. If that's what you want, of course,'' he gave him faint smile.

''Oh my God, absolutely yes, Oswald!'' Ed wondered whether he was imaginating this. He jumped from the excitement. ''Thank you,'' he hugged now-his-boyfriend. It was weird, itching yet pleassant thing to think about. His boyfriend. ''I love you, Oswald.'' Penguin blushed and Nygma laughed. ''Better get used to hearing this, I'll be saying it often.''

''I can't imagine complaining about it, Ed. I love you too,'' Oswald tightened his embrace.

Ed gently put his hands on Oswald's cheeks. ''May I kiss you?''

''By all means, please do,'' Penguin smiled. Then they shared their first kiss. ''I'd hate to break the moment, but I think the eggs are burning,'' he laughed awkwardly.

''You're not wrong. But I can make more,'' Ed grinned and kissed Oswald again.

* * *

 

''Why were you hiding?'' Lee asked.

''We had our reasons,'' Ed defended them.

''You know what? You should kiss now!'' Barbara clapped. ''Come on, Pengy, don't be shy,'' she pushed Oswald towards Ed and Ed had to catch him. They stood awkwardly in not-quite-embrace.

''Look out for his leg!'' Nygma demanded.

''Right! It hurts!'' Oswald sent her angry look.

''Of course it does!'' Barbara ignored their concerns. ''Now listen everybody!'' she hit her glass with a spoon to draw attention. ''This two idiots are married!'' she pointed at embarrassed couple. ''Kiss him! Kiss him!'' she chanted.

Oswald looked at the crowd curiously staring at them. They had nothing to lose at this point, he shrugged and pulled his husband into kiss. Ed jitterily fixed his glasses.

''I just hope she won't make us make out in front of everyone,'' Ed whispered.

''You can never be sure with Barbara Kean,'' Oswald reminded.

* * *

 

''I love you so much,'' Ed was gently stroking Oswald's back. They were lying together in Oswald's bed.

''Love you too, Eddie,'' Oswald played with Nygma's hair.

''I love your body and I love your mind, you are one of the smartest people I've met,'' Ed kissed Oswald's forehead. ''I love all of you.''

''That's the nicest thing I've ever heard,'' Cobblepot smiled. ''Considering I am small, limping man and you are the smartest person in Gotham and also the most handsome.''

''I am the smartest person, that's why I am right. You are beautiful,'' Ed whispered into Penguin's ear. Oswald scoffed. ''I'm gonna show you what I love about you,'' Ed decided and moved towards Oswald's legs.

''Ed, what are you doing?'' Oswald felt a bit endangered.

''You'll see,'' Ed grinned and took Oswald's bad leg in his hand. ''I love your leg,'' he kissed bad ankle.

''Ed, stop, this is stupid,'' Penguin sighed.

''No, it's not,'' Edward said and kissed the scar that was left after he shot Oswald. ''I'm sorry this happened,'' he brushed the scar.

''I deserved it, anyway,'' Oswald laughed and then laughed again – it was a miracle he could laugh about being shot by the love of his life and it made him laugh even more.

Ed loved the way Oswald's chest moved when he laughed. ''Nevertheless, I am sorry,'' he repeated and moved up on his journey, leaving a kiss on Oswald's shoulder. ''I love you being my little birdie. Wasn't our meeting in the forest unlikely? But it happened.''

''Yeah, I wouldn't have expected to find the nerd from GCPD buring his dead girlfriend in the forest. Do you remember our first meeting?'' Oswald playfully poked Ed in the arm.

''Don't remind me!'' Ed begged.

''Come on!'' Penguin continued teasing.

''That was simply embarrassing. But eventually 'Penguin' grew on you, didn't it?''

''Yes, 'Penguin' is pretty good. Don't worry, Ed, yours alias is not bad either.''

''Say it,'' Ed requested.

''Riddler,'' Oswald whispered into Ed's ear and there were flickers in Nygma's eyes.

''Mmm...'' Ed muttered happily. ''I love your eyes, even though they are heterochromic now,'' he kissed eyelids that covered glass eye. ''And I love the fact that you are willing to sacrifice so much for me. But I would have lied if I haven't said it worries me quite a lot.''

 

''You don't have to worry about me. Many people tried to kill me and none of them succeeded,'' Oswald wrapped his arms around Ed's back.

''Good thing I failed at that too,'' Ed kissed Oswald's lips.

* * *

 

''Riddler and Penguin are married?'' Bruce was caught off guard.

''Earth to dumbass,'' Selina waved in front of his face. ''Maybe you wouldn't have missed that if you hadn't left Gotham,'' she found it out a while ago, but she wasn't that surprised. Bruce didn't have to know if she was using wrong argument against him.

''Alfred!'' Bruce called.

''Yes, master Bruce?'' the butler asked politely.

''Did you know they were married?''

''Not until now, master Bruce,'' Alfred raised an eyebrow in a slight surprise.

''Selina?'' Bruce asked for help.

''I've spent enough time with both of them to know something was going on between them,'' she shrugged.

 

''Sorry, Jim I'm late,'' Harvey Bullock greeted his friend. ''I couldn't find right shirt and had to stop at the gas station... Holy Moly! Is that Penguin dancing and kissing with Nygma?''

''Yep. They told us they were married, Harvey,'' Jim said in half-whisper.

''Damn it, Jim,'' Bullock complained. ''We can't force them to testify against each other,'' he scratched his head.

''I'll need to see their marriage certificate,'' Gordon sighed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, did you expect that?  
> I've planned for them to come out when Bruce returns, but 10 years is too long, so I made Bruce come back after 5.


	11. The Bat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penguin and Riddler meet Joker, but their meeting is disturbed by an uninvited guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took the liberty of adding more cartoon/comics/movies version of Harley Quinn. I still haven't seen season five of Gotham, so I don't quite get the whole thing with Ecco.

Even though it seemed that Oswald and Edward only confirmed what others thought about their relationship, the city was talking about it for the next several days. Everyone was interested in listening to Penguin's and Riddler's love story. As they were entering the Iceberg Lounge, they got attacked by the crowd of journalists, each trying to gather as much information for their magazine's as they could.

''Is that true that you are married?'' asked brunette woman.

''Is that a question? I thought we made ourselves clear,'' Edward bit back.

''How long have you been married?'' blond man rose a microphone.

''We'd rather leave this information for ourselves,'' Oswald answered politely.

''Why you kept this in secret?'' another question reached them.

''Excuse us, but we've got more important matters to take care of than answering your idiotic questions,'' Ed stated harshly.

''But what would you like to tell Batman? Are you afraid of him?'' some other brunette asked.

''Miss, we are not afraid of anyone,'' Oswald responded angrily and tugged his husband's arm. ''Let's go, Ed.''

They pushed their way to the Lounge and carefully closed the door and sat in their booth.

''Vultures!'' Penguin said disgusted. ''But you needn't have been so rude, Ed,'' he noted.

''They needn't have asked those questions,'' Ed crossed his arms. ''Have you heard them, Oswald? What an audacity to suggest that this newest Gotham's attraction could even pose a thread to us. We've been here much longer, at this point it's basically our playground!''

''I know, Eddie. But it's Gotham, after some time Batman won't be even remembered. Give or take a man in a tight leather clothes, people won't notice. Everyone just wants to be someone now and they think the best way to achieve it is to don too tight clothing and to use weird nicknames.''

''I'd like to remind you we fit in this category too, darling,'' Ed laughed.

''Yes, except for the clothes part, but we've done this before the others. I've been the Penguin way before the Mad Hatter, Scarecrow, Mister Freeze, Firefly and the rest of this freakshow. Only Selina has been Cat all this time,'' Oswald scoffed.

''Am I the rest of the freakshow?'' Ed teased.

''You are my favourite freak in the entire circus,'' Oswald left a kiss on Ed's cheek.

''And you are my favourite animal in the entire zoo,'' Riddler grinned.

''But speaking of circus, I think the pressing matter is the return of Jeremiah Valeska.''

''Can you believe that he's been pretending to be brain dead for the last five years? I would have lied if I said I wasn't impressed by his patience. Everyone understimated him. Maybe that's why he was able to escape Arkham with one of doctors.''

''But what was he waiting for? Why waste five years of your life?'' Oswald wondered.

''I have no idea, he is clearly a mad man. He even insists on calling him 'Joker','' Ed mimicked quotation marks with his fingers.

''I can remember quite clearly you insisting on calling you 'The Riddler','' Oswald smirked and Ed sulked back in his seat. ''We should pay him a visit,'' Oswald spoke and raised his hand to stop Ed from interrupting him. ''I know what you're thinking, I don't like it either, but we have to make sure whether we can actually trust him or not.''

''We cannot trust him! Every rogue in the city has got some goals they are trying to achieve, but his only goal is chaos! His brother tried to release toxic gas onto the city, but he beat him in his own game. For Christ's sake, Oswald! He blew down bridges! He is dangerous!'' Ed grabbed Oswald's hand.

''Then we have to make sure stays out of our way. I've never liked Jerome and I don't like Jeremiah, but maybe we can make business with him?'' Oswald shrugged uncertainly.

''We can't! He is insane!'' Ed protested.

''Alright, then. Do what you want, but I'm going to meet him, all the same,'' Penguin crossed his arms.

''Then I'm going with you. I can't leave you alone with that psycho.''

''I'll take Victor with me. Don't worry, Ed,'' Oswald reassured him.

''You can't rely on Zsasz all the time! But you can't rely on me all the time either, there may occure some circumstances I won't available,'' Nygma pondered.

''Ed, what are you trying to tell me?'' Oswald wore worried expression. He put his hand on Ed's shoulder.

''You need ways of defending yourself,'' Ed looked Penguin into eyes.

''I can defend myself, Ed, dear. In the fact, I fight better than you,'' Cobblepot said self-confidently.

''Fine,'' Ed knew he couldn't win this battle. ''But don't visit him just yet,'' he asked.

 

''Edward, what are you doing?'' Oswald walked into Nygma's workshop and looked curiously at something he was sure was an umbrella.

''Oh, hi, Ozzie,'' Ed greeted him. ''I haven't heard you coming. Do you like it?'' he handed Oswald the umbrella.

''I guess? Thanks,'' Oswald shrugged insecurily and smiled politely. He watched the umbrella from different angles. He was about to open it, but Ed stopped him.

''Careful with that!''

''Why? It's just an umbrella. I know how to use them!'' Oswald said offended.

''It's not just an umbrella, Oswald,'' Nygma sighed resigned.

''Enlighten me then,'' Penguin leant on the umbrella, his elbow resting on crook handle.

Edward stole the object in question from Oswald, who lost his balance due to sudden lack of support. He tried to grab Ed's working table, but failed and fell to the ground.

''Sorry! Are you OK?'' Ed helped him get up.

''Don't you sorry me! I know you did this on purpose,'' Oswald grimaced. ''Anyway, what is so special about it?''

''This umbrella has hidden a gun inside, so one button opens it up,'' Ed clicked and umbrella opened up. ''And the other shoots,'' he pressed the other and wall earned brand new hole.

''That's rather nice,'' Oswald nodded. ''Like the hidden knife in my cane.''

''But wait! That's not all!'' Riddler said proudly. ''I made it from bulletproof fabric. Neat, huh?'' he smiled.

''Yeah,'' Oswald's eyes went big and he smiled too. ''Thanks, Eddie,'' he hugged Nygma and kissed him. ''My husband's the smartest,'' he knew Ed loved being praised.

''I'm also working on flying umbrella,'' Ed said gleefully.

''What?''

''An umbrella that you could use to fly away if you needed to escape,'' Ed explained.

''Ed, I'm pretty sure no umbrella could lift me up,'' Oswald was trying to guess what his partner was thinking about. For sure he couldn't be serious.

''No, I've done all needed calculating and I'm this close,'' Ed showed him with his fingers.

''This is not good idea. Once I had to pilot a blimp and I still get a shiver when I think about it. Penguins don't fly and it should stay like this,'' Cobblepot said firmly.

''Oh, but this little penguin could fly,'' Riddler grinned wrapping his arms around Oswald and kissing his neck.

''But I don't want to!''

''Are you afraid of height?'' Ed asked with disbelief.

''No, I'm only afraid of falling from great height or crashing!'' Penguin screeched. ''Have you ever steered an airship with a toxic gas on board with no knowledge on piltoting it? And Jim and Harvey left me there for several more hours! It was me who saved the city from Jerome!''

''Alright, you have every right to be afraid of flying, but don't cross off flying umbrella just yet. It could prove itself useful in the future,'' Ed pleaded.

''What about you? What new toys have you prepared for yourself?'' Oswald asked.

''None so far, I've been working on umbrellas. But I created some new riddles. Do you want to hear them?'' Ed offered with childlike excitement.

''No, I think I'll pass,'' Oswald turned the offer down.

''Good choice not to spoil fun, so when I present them to the world no one would have heard them before,'' Ed praised.

 

Oswald and Edward walked in the place they expected to find Jeremiah. They haven't contacted him, but their informers claimed this was the last place the Joker was seen.

''Hello, is there anybody in there?'' Oswald asked.

''Just nod if you can hear me,'' a voice replied. ''Is there anyone at home?'' they heard laughter.

''I think we found Jeremiah,'' Edward said.

''I'm not Jeremiah. You may call me the Joker,'' Jeremiah came out of shadow and bowed politely, then smiled. Oswald and Edward tried not to show their their disgust at the sight of skin destroyed by acid. ''Hey, Harley, look who paid us a visit!''

''Hi there!'' a woman in black and red clothing waved. ''Green one!'' she pointed at Riddler. ''I remember seeing you in Arkham.''

''Yes, both Oswald and I had the questionable pleasure of staying in Arkham,'' Ed crossed his arms defensively.

''As we all did. But my riddled and feathered friends, whom I owe this visit?'' Joker asked.

''No one. We simply wanted to meet you. We hope you don't hold the grudge for things that happened before No Man's Land,'' Oswald said politely.

''Oh, that?'' Jeremiah snorted and waved his hand. ''It doesn't matter now. What matters is Batman.''

''Excuse me?'' Penguin asked.

''Batman is the real game. The cause of it all,'' Joker showed them his room with a movement of his arm.

''We're gonna show him!'' Harley exclaimed with excitement.

''And who that Batman guy is?'' Riddler asked.

A moment later the window was broken and caped man in mask appeared in the middle of the room. Oswald squeezed Ed's hand.

''Oh, Bats, we've been talking 'bout you. How nice of you to come in and join us!'' Joker gave the hero a hand to shake.

''You are the Batman?'' Edward laughed.

''Jeremiah, that's enough! You, miss Quinzel, Riddler and Penguin are going back to Arkham,'' Batman threatened.

''Batsy, Batsy, Batsy... It's Joker now, haha!'' clown laughed maniacally.

''I told you it was bad idea coming here,'' Ed whispered to Oswald.

Batman apparently wasn't a talkative person, he threw a bataraang, hit Joker with his head and kicked Harley.

''Hey, you shouldn't beat women!'' she shouted.

''It was nice seeing you, Bats, but we should be going now!'' Jeremiah said and threw a grenade. It exploded, but it seemed that it was a smoke bomb. After that Joker and Harley Quinn disappeared.

''Ed, are you OK?'' Oswald coughed.

''I'm fine. You?'' Edward held onto his body.

''Yeah, me too. Let's go,'' Penguin pushed this husband and they left the building, but caped crusader stood in their way. ''Oh, you've got to be kidding,'' Oswald rolled his eyes. ''Look, we don't mind you. If you want to run around the city in those clothes, it's your business.''

''But I can't stand people like you. You corrupted this city and I will bring the justice,'' Batman said emotionlessly.

''Good luck with that,'' Oswald gave him one of his polite smile that made it quite clear he was done talking with the other person.

''I don't think your talking is going to help here,'' Edward said as they were turning their back on Batman and started running away. Unfortunately for them, masked hero knocked them down. He left them tied to the street lamp, hanging in the air. Then Batman disappeared in the shadows.

''Hey! You! Man-bat or whatever they call you! Get us down!'' Oswald yelled. ''Now!''

''Oswald, stop yelling!'' Ed screamed angrily. ''I told you it was bad idea!'' he reminded.

''Yes, I know. Does the Ridder have any bright ideas now?'' Penguin wriggled.

''I have my pocket knife, but it's out of my reach. Could you take it? Just don't drop it!'' Ed warned.

''Is it in your back pocket? If so, I'm sure you can take it yourself,'' Oswald huffed.

''In case you haven't noticed, I'm trying, but I can't!'' Ed yelled irritated.

''I bet you are using this situation to make me touch your ass,'' Oswald said, carefully retrieving knife from Ed's pocket.

''While I appreciate your confidence in my lust for you, we don't really have time for that now. Do you have it?'' Ed turned his head, so he could see his husband better.

''Got it.''

''Alright, now give it to me. Carefully!'' Ed put emphasis on the last word.

''Or I cut ropes,'' Oswald offered. ''Unless you don't trust me enough.''

''You can do it, but I will do it better,'' Ed bickered.

''Oh, really? Your scientific methods have taught you how to cut a rope correctly?'' Oswald for a second considered stabbing Ed. Not that it would be easy in their position.

''Fine! Do it if you care about it so much,'' Riddler gave up. ''Just don't drop it!''

''I know!'' Cobblepot was vexed. He rubbed the rope with the edge of Ed's knife. ''Come on, come on,'' he muttered under his breath.

''Need help with that?'' Ed said sarcastically.

''I'm working on it, alright?!''

Finally Oswald cut through the rope and they fell to the ground. Ed rubbed his back and looked at Oswald. ''It seems that it worked. Let's go,'' Riddler stood up and helped his partner. ''Are you alright?'' he held him firmly by his shoulders.

''Yes, I'm fine. It's just my leg, it didn't take the fall easily, but don't fret about it,'' Oswald assured.

''Let me help you,'' Ed wrapped his arms around Penguin for the support and put Oswald's arm on his shoulder.

''You know, I'm starting to change my mind about that flying umbrella project of yours,'' Penguin smirked.

''I knew you would eventually appreciate it,'' Ed leant closer towards his husband and kissed his head.

''Oh, I've almost forgotten. Your knife,'' Oswald gave Ed his property back.

''Thanks,'' Ed smiled. ''I hope you haven't cut yourself with it?''

''Please, I know how to use a knife, Ed,'' Oswald rolled his eyes.

''I am aware, but you could have hurt yourself accidentally with it while falling,'' Nygma voiced his concern.

''Or I could hurt you,'' Oswald shrugged.

''I'm fine.''

''So am I. Let's go before this lunatic finds us again,'' Oswald commanded. They slowly moved towards one of their savehouses.

''What's the matter?'' Ed asked noticing shift in Oswald's mood.

''It looks that this Batman is more of a thread than we thought and I...'' Oswald took deep breath. ''I hoped that things will go smoothly for us and now we don't have to hide with our relationship, we have more possibilities, so I thought that we could adopt Martin.''

''Oswald, I don't think he would even recognise us. Besides, maybe he has found some family by now.''

''No, he hasn't. I've checked that,'' Penguin shook his head. ''I wanted to discuss it with you, but now I'm not sure. I don't want to put him in danger anymore. I care about that boy, but you're right – it's stupid idea. I left him and never spoke to him in the last six years. He probably resents me.''

''I haven't said it was stupid idea, Ozzie. I liked him too, to be honest. I think we should meet him and talk to him about it. If he wants to stay with us, we will adopt him,'' Ed suggested.

''So you want to adopt him?'' Oswald said in a hopeful tone. ''I won't do it if you don't want to.''

''I think I might in the fact like the idea. It's just that I haven't given being a father a thought!'' Nygma burst with laughter. ''Yes, I think it will grow on me.''

''Thank you, Eddie,'' Oswald wrapped his arms around Ed tighter.

* * *

 

Black dressed young woman ran on the roof of Gotham's building. She jumped from one building to the other and continued her escape. She had stolen precious jewellery from one of Gotham's museums. She stumbled and fell – her legs have been tied up by some fancy rope. She quickly scratched it with her claws and stood up. Some masked man in a black cape stood in her way. Without really thinking she kicked him and it was his turn to fall down. She didn't have that much luck with her next attack as he parried her strike. He looked her into face.

''Selina?'' he asked with disbelief.

''What?'' Catwoman shook her head and stared in the mask. ''Bruce, is that you?'' she laughed.

''Selina, why are you stealing things from exhibition?'' Batman asked.

''Why are you so surprised? You know that's what I do for living. I recall you helping me with those sometimes,'' Selina smirked.

''You don't have to do it anymore.''

''Who are you to tell me what I have to and what I can't do, Bruce?'' she put her hands on her hips. ''Has it crossed your mind that I might like doing it?''

''But why?'' Bruce wondered.

''And why are you wearing those tacky clothes?'' Selina pointed at him.

''I'm fighting crime, because somebody has to. Someone has to stop those people, so citizens can live peacefully.''

''So what? Are you going to stop me?'' she dared him.

''If I have to, but I'd hate to do it,'' Batman warned.

''Forget about it, Batman,'' Catwoman snorted speaking his codename.

''Selina!'' he begged.

''Don't worry, Bruce, I won't give your identity away, because apparently so don't want people to find out. But remember, you owe me,'' she said and jumped off the building. Batman watched her run away, but he didn't chase her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to anyone who knows which song I've quoted in this chapter.


	12. Parenthood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oswald and Edward try to deal with being parents.

''I don't know, Ed. Maybe it's a bad idea?'' Oswald asked as he and Edward where waiting to meet Martin.

''It's going to be alright, Oswald,'' Ed took his husband's hand.

''But what if he doesn't remember us?'' Oswald was anxious.

''I don't think he would have forgotten you. I think he saw you as his parental figure,'' Ed gave him reassuring smile.

''First time we spoke about adopting Martin you said he had probably already forgotten about me. Now you say he hasn't. Make up your mind, Ed,'' Oswald huffed with irritation. ''I was supposed to protect him and I have failed him! You are right – he remembers me and hates me most likely,'' he whined. ''We should go now, Ed. Sitting here simply doesn't make sense,'' he stood up.

''No, Ozzie, we are staying here,'' Ed put his hand on Oswald's arm to prompt him to sit down. ''What will he think when he finds out we came here? You said you had let him down. If we want to prove ourselves worthy, we can't make this mistake again. Besides, what's the worst thing that might happen? He won't yell at us,'' Ed shrugged in a slightly funny way. He regained his poise when he noticed his attempt at lifting Oswald's mood didn't work.

''Ed, this is not funny,'' Penguin scolded him.

''I know, sorry. It was rude of me. What I'm trying to say is that you should relax, we can't undo the past, but if we managed to make our relationship working, there is still hope for our relationship with Martin,'' Ed squeezed Oswald's shoulder.

''It is easy thing to say for you, you haven't done him dirty as I have,'' he sighed.

''Still, I have freed him from Sofia, so maybe he was also my responsibility. He looks like a smart boy, he will understand when we explain to him why we haven't come for him earlier.''

''I wish you were right,'' Oswald looked sorrowfully at Ed.

''Of course I am right, I am the smartest person in Gotham and probably in the entire world!'' Nygma grumbled.

''Eddie dearest, not here,'' Oswald patted Ed's knee.

Ed frowned and opened his mouth to say something, probably again about his intellect, but apparently he changed his mind. ''Uh, right, we don't want to make a bad impression,'' but he added in a whisper. ''But I am right, nevertheless.''

''Yes, Ed, you can show it to that winged fool,'' Penguin chuckled.

''And I shall do so,'' Ed quickly gazed at Oswald's giggles. ''What? Don't you believe me?''

''Of course I do! Eddie, how could you doubt in my admiration for you?''

''I have a feeling you are making fun of me,'' Ed accused him.

Smartly dressed woman welcomed them. ''Gentlemen,'' she nodded. ''You may now see Martin. Come with me, please,'' she led them and knocked at a door. ''Martin, you have two visitors,'' she spoke in a pleasant voice.

When the door opened, boy's eyes grew wide and he opened his mouth slightly in surprise. He moved his hands in a peculiar way. The woman smiled.

''Yes, I will leave you alone, just don't do anything stupid,'' she demanded and left.

''You know the sign language?'' Ed asked.

Martin took a pen and a notebook and wrote down. ''Yes, I've learnt it.''

''That's great to hear!'' Oswald joyed and Martin smiled at this unintentional joke. ''It's really good to see you again, Martin. Look at you! How have you grown up!'' he marvelled.

''I've read you two got married,'' teenager showed them his writing.

''Yes, that's true. I know it may be a little bit confusing thing to hear,'' Oswald replied.

''We wanted to discuss-'' Ed started but Martin poked his notebook to draw their attention.

''Do you want to adopt me?'' the boy wrote down. Ed gasped, this kid was truly cunning, no wonder Oswald got attached to him.

''Ah, yes,'' Nygma said with a confused smile.

''But we wanted to see you first and make sure you are OK with it. Don't worry, we will understand if you don't want to do anything with us anymore,'' Oswald nervously fidgeted his fingers.

Boy shrugged. ''Cool'' he wrote.

''So... do you want us to adopt you?'' Ed raised his eyebrow. In front of Oswald he played daredevil, but in reality he expected this meeting to be more difficult.

Martin nodded and wrote ''Yes'' to make sure they understood what he meant. They seemed to be surprised, which wondered him. Why would they come there if they were sure he wouldn't agree?

''Aren't you mad at us for leaving you alone?'' Oswald asked carefully.

Martin smiled and sighed. Adults sometimes are very difficult to speak with, especially when you are mute. He focused his attention to his notepad again and scribbled. ''You haven't left me alone. You put me in an orphanage. At first I thought you had forgotten about me. Then I've heard about Gotham, that it became a warzone and I thought you have died. Then the war in Gotham has ended and I've heard about you again, so once more I assumed you simply had forgotten about me.'' The boy had a feeling he was writing an essay.

''Of course we haven't forgotten about you, Martin!'' Oswald exclaimed. ''Gotham was never a safe place to live in. It took some time for it to be rebuilt.''

''And rebuilding is not finished yet and won't be for the next several years,'' Ed crossed his arms.

''You are right, but that's not the point,'' Oswald snapped. ''The point is that we couldn't take you with us back then. Do you understand?'' Martin nodded and Penguin went on. ''However, I want you to know about possible dangers of becoming our adoptive son.''

Martin rolled his eyes, he knew living with Oswald Cobblepot was dangerous, he had been held hostage by the Pyg and then by Sofia Falcone. He wasn't that small child anymore.

''Oswald, he knows! Right Martin?'' Ed noted and the boy nodded.

''I know! But listen to me, both of you!'' Oswald gave Ed accusatory glare. ''Alright, sorry, I should not let my anger get the best of me. I know what you have been through with Sofia and that pig maniac, don't think I had forgotten. But you need to know there is some new guy who hunts down people like us, he calls himself Batman. I don't need to mention that commissioner Jim Gordon would like very much see us imprisoned. If you are about to stay with us, you have to be aware that there are going to be times we won't be able to be with you. We may end up in Arkham or Blackgate.''

''Oh, that,'' Ed considered Oswald's words and became somehow more serious and saddened.

''Yeah, that,'' Penguin confirmed.

''Oswald is right, it would be unfair to take you under our wings without letting you know about threads. Since you know about them, you may want to change your decision,'' Ed fixed his glasses and placed his hands on the table in a professional manner.

Teenager started writing. He underscored some words, but after few sentences he hesitated for a moment as if he wasn't sure those were right words to write, but decided to continue. ''I'm not a child anymore. I'm 14 years old. You can teach me how to become someone like you. I will learn how to defend myself. I'd rather go with you than stay here. It's not that people are mean – all kids obey me, but it's boring. I'd like to have a family. I've never had one. You are the closest thing to family I've ever had. Mr. Penguin taught me and took care of me and Mr. Riddler took me for ice-cream. I like you.'' When Martin was done he showed his message to two rogues.

Oswald sniffed as he read. ''We will be your family, Martin. You may call us your parents. And I will never ever leave you behind again, I promise. We just need to have paper work done and you will live with us,'' he smiled and boy's face lit up too.

''But you'll have to teach us the sign language,'' Edward requested and Martin nodded enthusiastically. ''It looks like we are all set then!'' he smirked. ''We'll see you soon, alright?''

''I'll be waiting.'' Martin wrote down.

''We'll make sure it won't take long,'' Oswald promised.

''OK. Go now or they'll think I'm causing you troubles.'' boy showed them his notepad and chuckled.

''Really?'' Nygma wondered. ''Well, we'll be leaving then. See you soon,'' he smiled and waved at the teenager. He closed the door and they came back to the place where they waited for the visit. ''Looks like you taught him well, Ozzie. All children listen to him, even though he is mute,'' Ed hugged him fondly.

''He is very ambitious, I've got to tell you,'' Oswald smiled like a proud parent. ''Anyway, shouldn't we talk to that woman?''

''I think we should. Have you seen her?'' Nygma looked around. ''Let's go back, maybe she's waiting for us there.'' He suggested and they headed towards the room where they spoke with Martin.

''Oh, gentlemen, there you are,'' smartly dressed woman bumped into them. ''How it went?''

''We'd love to have him as our son, ma'am,'' Oswald noted politely.

''It's real relief to hear that. Most people change their minds about kids with disability, especially when those are such a grown up kids like Martin. But I have to warn you, he can be rather troublesome,'' she said.

''Oh,'' Penguin waved his hand dismissively. ''When children aren't troublesome?''

 

Later, when they filled all adoption papers and Martin has finally become their adoptive son, which took less time than it usually would thanks to Oswald's influence and power, they went to their manor with Martin. The boy didn't hold his astonishment back. The house was so big and had beautiful garden. He heard patter and barking and his eyes went even wider. He grabbed his notepad. ''You have a dog?''

Oswald did not notice the writing as he greeted their pet. ''There you are, good boy! Come and say hello to Martin!'' he took the dog into his arms and gave it to his son. Martin scratched the dog behind its ear and patted it, then put it down on the floor.

''What's his name?'' the boy wrote down.

''Edward,'' Oswald said confidently, forgetting about how embarrassing this was for the human Ed. Martin sent his taller dad questioning look.

''Don't ask,'' Ed begged. ''It's...'' he hesitated for a moment. ''Complicated.''

Martin nodded. Although Oswald never mentioned that, teenager knew Penguin talked about the Riddler when he said friends would betray you. During his stay in orphanage, he decided upon checking Cobblepot's and Nygma's history, after all in some way he considered them his family, even when he thought they would never come back. He learnt Oswald was crime lord, who became a mayor and Edward worked at GCPD, but he killed his girlfriend and was sent to Arkham, later he became Oswald's chief of staff. Some newspapers even claimed them to be lovers. But then something went wrong between them – Penguin was killed or so everyone thought until they saw him alive and Riddler wreaked havoc in Gotham. The boy even saw in one newspaper an Iceberg Lounge ad presenting Edward trapped inside ice. That was... weird, Martin had to admit. But all of those things happened before Edward rescued him on Penguin's behalf. And few years later they had got married and then they adopted him. Well, at least he had parents. For sure it was complicated. He decided against further questioning them, besides, he was glad to have a pet now.

''We should celebrate it, what you'd say?'' Oswald suggested. ''A chinese take away, like the good old times. Do you like chinese, Martin?'' he asked fondly and teenager nodded, but he wasn't sure if he had any chinese before.

''Sounds just right,'' Ed smiled. ''One with onion, one without onion and? Do you like onion?'' he asked. Martin nodded once more. ''Zsasz! Get us two chinese take outs with onion and one without,'' he called their henchman. Martin looked frightened out of sudden.

''Sure, boss two, I'll get something for myself too,'' assassin entered the room. ''Oh, you brought the boy? Nice to see you again. And yeah, sorry about that mess with Sofia, she played us dirty,'' he said emotionlessly and left the house.

''Oh, shoot!'' Oswald hit his forehead. ''We forgot to tell you that Victor works for us again. Don't worry, he won't hurt you. I'm sorry, Martin, I didn't want to scare you,'' he was concerned.

Martin did not trust Zsasz, but if Oswald said so, maybe he should trust Oswald's instinct. Zsasz had betrayed the crime lord... but so did Edward, Martin realised. He remembered hearing in orphanage how cruel and ruthless Penguin and Riddler were, but he knew it wasn't the truth, he had met them. People working in his orphanage and kids living there were afraid of them. It made Martin smile, he knew they wouldn't hurt him. He admired their power and self-considence, but he was sure they weren't bad to the bone. Apparently they could forgive some people.

''Uh, so, what you wanna do? Watch tv or something? I know lots of great movies,'' Ed changed the uneasy subject. Martin nodded, he liked movies. ''Alright, movie night!'' Ed announced. ''Get dressed into your pajamas. Tomorrow, you'll start teaching us the sign language. Also, we will send you to some better school.''

''I hope you don't mind?'' Oswald asked. Martin shrugged, he wasn't sure whether he would miss his old classmates.

They were comfortably sitting on the couch and watching tv when Victor came back. ''I've got your chinese!'' he said. ''That's pretty good movie,'' he noted and left their take away on the coffee table. They ignored him, so he went away. In the middle of his box, Ed noticed his chinese lacked onion. He looked at Martin's serving, which he seemed to enjoy, but he saw onion there. ''Oswald, I think you took mine chinese. I don't have any onion!'' he glared at his husband.

''Maybe Victor bought two without it?'' Oswald shrugged. ''I would have noticed.''

''Really? Let me see,'' Ed demanded and Oz gave his chinese to him with a heavy sigh. Martin rolled his eyes, were his new parents always this petty? ''And what do you think is that?'' Ed rose his chop sticks, holding a bit of onion with it.

''Wow, I really did not notice that! Maybe it's some different kind of onion?'' Oswald wondered.

Nygma took a bite. ''No, it's normal onion, it tastes like an onion does.''

Martin decided not to pay attention and went on patting the dog.

''Well, that's weird,'' Penguin tilted his head. ''We can swap our meals if you want to,'' he offered.

''No, it's not a problem, I'm just shocked you didn't notice that. You hate onion!''

''I know, right? Maybe not any longer,'' Oswald stabbed his chinese with chop sticks.

 

Oswald woke up nauseous in the morning. It took him an effort to free himself from Ed's embrace. Martin slept on the couch too. Clearly family bonding wasn't that hard. He rushed to the nearest bathroom and threw up.

''Oswald, are you alright?'' Ed knelt next to him and gently brushed his back.

''Yeah, I think that chinese with onion upset my stomach. Is Martin still asleep?''

''Yes, I gave him one more blanket, so he doesn't catch cold. I'll make us breakfast,'' Ed offered.

''I think I'll join you later,'' Oswald wiped his mouth.

''Just don't be late for the sign language course!'' Nygma joked.

 

It didn't help he was feeling sick next morning. Or that Ed was gazing at him curiously, like he was considering different scenarios.

''Are you sick?'' Martin wrote down.

''No, no, I'm fine,'' Cobblepot assured.

''I think you should see the doctor,'' Ed suggested.

''It's nothing,'' Oswald stated stubbornly, but Ed made him visit that doctor, who said he was perfectly fine and gave him some medicines.

''Oswald,'' Nygma grabbed his shoulder.

''What?'' he spat. He loved when Ed took care of him, but this time he annoyed him to no end. ''I'm fine! It's not like I'm dying, you are just overreacting. Maybe it's because of the stress we had with the whole adoption thing?''

''Maybe, but there is another explanation. Just don't laugh and hear me out,'' Ed brushed Oswald's arms. ''Are you pregnant?''

''What?'' Oswald burst with laughter.

''I've told you not to laugh,'' Ed reminded.

''I'm sorry, it's just so funny!'' Oswald wiped out tears in his eyes. ''Don't be silly! How could I get pregnant? I don't have feminine parts, I would have noticed if I had. Or at least you would, right? I don't have periods, Ed!''

''Ok,'' Ed nervously scratched his forehead. ''Look, you've got change of taste - you didn't mind onion. You've got morning sickness. You've got mood swings – you wanted to ask Jim and Lee for a nice dinner and then he yelled you wanted him dead,'' he counted on his fingers.

''So what? You know I often change my mind,'' Oswald shrugged. ''Out of two of us, you are the logical one, so think logically! This is not biologically possible.''

''We don't know that,'' Ed noted.

''What do you mean?'' Oswald blinked in surprise.

''I mean that you were a subject of Hugo Strange. I didn't know about the chip at first. Maybe you don't know the full extend of what he had done to you? He brainwashed you, I'd hate to remind you.''

''But why would he do this?'' Cobblepot was in a slight panic. Now that Ed brought up the subject, it could be possible.

''I don't know, Oswald! He is an insane person! Do you remember what I've said to you when we first met?'' Ed asked.

''Something about penguins,'' he shook his head. ''Why would that matter?''

''Male penguin carry the eggs on their feet to keep them warm. Maybe he thought it would be amusing if you could get pregnant?''

''So what? I'm going to lay an egg?'' Oswald snorted.

''I do hope you are not,'' Ed grinned and kissed Penguin's lips. Oswald frowned, that sonofa truly found it funny.

''Good for him he correctly assumed I was gay,'' Oswald crossed his arms. ''But if you are by some miracle right, what do we do?''

''Well, then we are going to have another kid,'' Ed kept smiling. ''Martin is going to have little brother or sister.''

''Two kids? And Barbara quit having one,'' Oswald noted grumpily.

''Let's go to a drugstore before going home,'' Ed suggested.

 

''Ed?!'' Oswald yelled from the bathroom. Both Ed and Martin jolted.

''I'll go and check on him,'' Ed pointed in the bathroom's direction. ''Don't worry, he's fine.'' He stood up and knocked at the door. ''May I?''

''Y-yes,'' Oswald said in a trembling voice.

''How is it?'' Ed walked in and closed the door. He didn't even try to hide that he was nervous. It was as much about Oswald as it was about him.

''I-I'm, I'm,'' Oswald burst into tears and kid his face in Ed's chest.

''Yes?'' Nygma encouraged, rubbing his bird's back in an attempt to comfort him.

''I am pregnant,'' Oswald sobbed.

Ed felt his heart beating faster, he nervously breathed out, embraced Oswald tighter and kissed the top of his head. ''Ozzie, oh, Ozzie!'' he cupped his husband's cheeks. ''I love you so much, you simply never cease to amaze me!'' he smiled widely.

''You are not mad at me?''

''No! Why? I'm as guilty of this as you are,'' Ed raised his eyebrow. ''I know this is rather unexpected, but these are great news!'' he assured.

''I love you too, Eddie,'' Oswald put his head on Ed's shoulder. ''There is no other man I'd rather have children with. Just don't tell Martin yet. I want to visit the gynecologist to make sure. And I don't want to make him feel he is less loved, because he is adopted.''

''Hush, it's gonna be alright. Now, let's go, I'm sure our son is getting worried,'' Ed smiled, he liked calling Martin their kid. He loved the way Martin's and Oswald's faces lit up when they heard them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand this fic went straight into weirdness. It's good thing we can use Hugo Strange ex machina when some science-defying stuff is about to happen. I also wanted some domestic stuff. I hope you've been enjoying this fic so far!


	13. We're not alone in this anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oswald and Edward go to see a doctor.

Being two well-known criminals Oswald and Edward couldn't just go to the clinic and ask for an appointment. First of all, they didn't want to draw too much attention to Oswald's new condition and secondly, they doubted this would go smoothly. For sure Oswald would be obliged to hear questions like ''Are you sure you want to see a gynecologist?'' or ''I think you mean the wrong doctor.'' or ''You meant urologist?'' and earn some suspicious looks.

Instead they broke into the clinic using backdoor entrance around closing time. They approached quietly the door of room 27. Ed slowly opened them and prompted Oswald to walk inside. He followed his husband and carefully closed them.

''Excuse me, but you are not supposed to be in here. I'm packing up my things and going home,'' dark-skinned middle-aged woman looked at them.

Aileen Mallory wasn't well-known gynecologist, but she was experienced one. Riddler's and Penguin's network provided them with good thoughts about her.

''We're terribly sorry for disturbing you, but we've got rather important matter to talk with you,'' Oswald smiled politely.

''Is that so?'' she raised her eyebrow. ''You know that I can't share informations about my patients, right?'' she crossed her arms.

''Miss Mallory, I assure you it has nothing to do with breaking your profession oath. Let's say we might be in need of your service,'' Oswald straightened his back and hid his hands behind it.

''If you asked me I wouldn't know what two men might want from a gynecologist. Unless it's another one of so-called riddles of yours,'' doctor Mallony looked at Ed.

''It sounds more like a beginning of a joke rather than a riddle and jokes are Joker's area of expertise,'' Ed noted.

Penguin rolled his eyes. ''Eddie, please,'' Ed shot him incredulous look. ''I know it easily distracts you, but we've more important matters to deal with.''

Nygma coughed awkwardly in response and apparently the floor became very interesting for him out of sudden.

''Right,'' Oswald nodded. ''Where I have finished?'' he pondered.

''You need my help,'' doctor offered.

''OK. So we have some suspicions about my health and we wanted to make sure if we were right.''

''You could ask for an appointment, you know?'' woman shrugged. ''You don't need my help with that.''

''Given the evidence we think Oswald might be pregnant. Pregnancy test came positive for that matter,'' Edward explained.

''Oh?'' doctor Mallony was caught off guard. ''I really shouldn't be accepting patients after closing time, especially those without appointment...'' she shook her head. ''Alright, please sit there. If anyone finds out, I'm gonna be in trouble,'' she washed her hands. ''If somehow you are right, I don't wanna see you without registration, is that clear? You go there, check in and wait for your turn as every other patient,'' she put on latex gloves, then applied a gel on Oswald's abdomen and grabbed transducer. ''Alright, let's see what we've got here,'' she sighed and looked at screen. ''Hmm, that's interesting...''

''What is that?'' Ed asked, nervously pacing back and forth.

''You are pregnant, indeed. Congratulations,'' she said emotionlessly. ''You may now clean your skin. I guess we are going to see each other more often. As I said, you check in and no special treatment. In the fact, I'm not sure I'm the right person to take care of you, I've never had such a case, but then who had? You may want to find some better gyn. I don't want to worry you, but I don't know if baby's safe. I'm a bit concerned about your physique. Caesarean section will be required for sure.''

''B-but why are you concerned about baby?'' Oswald interfered and felt his blood pressure rising.

''I don't want to come as judging, but aren't you a man?'' Aileen asked.

''I am,'' Oswald was buttoning his shirt.

''Somehow you have uterus and a baby in there. Have you had any periods?''

''No.''

''Do you have vagina?'' doctor asked, she kept stright face, after all she had seen many vaginas and talked a lot about female reproductive organs a lot in her career.

The same thing couldn't be said about Oswald, whose face turned all red. ''No, I don't think so.''

''No, he doesn't,'' Ed added. Oswald shot him accusatory look, but Ed didn't seem to care.

''I've been a subject to Hugo Strange's experiments, he can do uncanny things to human body,'' Oswald recalled.

''I see,'' she nodded. ''You are probably interested how your child is doing. It is healthy and seems to be growing correctly. I'm just voicing my concerns about future. But with good care there should be no problems,'' doctor calmed the couple down.

''That's good thing to hear! Right, Ed?'' Oswald smiled visibly more relaxed.

''I do believe it is,'' Ed affirmed.

''Anyway, I wrote down other doctors you should visit. When you get their results come back here,'' she handed Oswald a piece of paper.

''Thank you very much doctor Mallory,'' Cobblepot nodded.

''Just leave already, I had very tiring day and I would rather be on my way home,'' she shooed them.

 

When they left the clinic, Oswald jumped into Ed's embrace. ''We're gonna have a baby!''

''Yes,'' Ed said breathlessly. Only now he started realising what that meant. A baby. And they had Martin. Ed remembered when he wanted to have a wife, kids and a house with white fence in the suburbs. Or maybe society made him think he wanted that. But he wasn't destined to live that life. Could he even be a good father? Oswald would say that yes, of course, but Ed wasn't so sure. He squeezed Oswald tighter, he felt anxious. ''Yes,'' he repeated and sniffed. He knew family was something Oswald craved with whole his heart and soul. Family made Oswald happy. And it made him happy too, but he was afraid of failing, of hurting them. Just like he hurt Oswald countless times.

''Eddie, what's wrong?'' Oswald brushed his hair.

''Nothing. Nothing is wrong,'' Ed put on fake smile.

''Honey, tell me,'' Penguin put his hand on Riddler's cheek and caressed it with his thumb.

''It's... it's great news, really. But I'm not... I don't know if I can do it, Oswald,'' Ed's voice broke.

''Of course you can, my love,'' Oswald smiled gently and kissed Ed's cheek. ''Let's go home and share good news with Martin, shall we?''

In response Edward nodded, swallowing his tears.

''Ed, come on,'' Oswald brushed his Ed's back. ''You're wonderful father to Martin and so you are going to be for our second child.''

 

They found Martin playing with the dog when they came back home. Oswald smiled at that sight, it warmed his heart.

''Sorry for coming back so late,'' Oswald apologised. ''How was your day?''

Martin grabbed his notepad and started scribbling. His parents spent a lot of time learning ASL and while Ed seemed to learn it quickly, Oswald had problems with it. On the other hand, both of them were new to the ASL and started learning it only when they adopted Martin.

''Fine.''

''Only fine? Nothing interesting happened?'' Oswald playfully poked Martin's shoulder. ''Come on, you can tell your old man,'' he encouraged.

''You're not that old, Oswald,'' Ed protested and Martin giggled.

''If you say so, hon,'' Oswald kissed Ed and their son rolled his eyes.

''Just a normal day at school.'' Martin wrote.

''Alright, keep your secrets to yourself,'' Oswald joked.

''I'm not keeping any secrets.'' Martin poked his notepad with a pen.

''Uh huh,'' Penguin smirked.

''Have you done your homework?'' Ed asked and the boy nodded. ''Good. And how about your science classes?''

''Easy. Chemistry is pretty interesting.''

''Yes, it is. And it can be very useful when you know how to use it. I enjoyed my science classes when I was a kid,'' Ed recalled.

''And I didn't. I prefered English classes,'' Oswald said while scratching Edward the dog behind its ear.

''Somehow I'm not surprised,'' Ed laughed.

''What about Maths?'' Martin asked.

''I wasn't really keen on it either,'' Oswald tilted his head.

''You're good at business. Doesn't it require Maths?'' Martin made surprised face.

''Yeah, well, Maths is much more interesting when used in real life,'' Oswald shrugged.

''I beg to differ,'' Ed pretended to feel offended.

Oswald cleared his throat. ''Anyway, Martin, there's an important thing we'd like to tell you.''

The boy looked at them for a moment and wrote down. ''Does it have to do with your health issues?''

Oswald held back his giggles. Martin was very perceptive and would make a great criminal mastermind if he decided to go down that path. ''Well, yes. But don't worry, I believe this is good news actually,'' he smiled and put his hand on Martin's shoulder. Then he looked at Ed for some support.

''Martin, I know what you are going to hear will sound ridiculous at first and it's a bit awkward to talk with you about it...'' Ed cleared his glasses to hide his embarrassment.

''The thing is that I'm pregnant,'' Oswald confessed.

Martin stared at his parents and blinked several times. It made absolutely no sense.

''Men don't get pregnant.'' he wrote.

''That's true, but some things in my life happened that led me to being able to get pregnant,'' Oswald fidgeted his finders.

''Boy or girl?'' Martin asked.

''Oh, we-we don't know yet,'' Penguin let out nervous laughter.

''It's too early to tell,'' Ed added.

''Whatever happens, please know we love you very much, you are our son, alright?'' Oswald kissed boy's forehead.

Martin rolled his eyes. ''Don't be drama queens, it's fine, I guess.'' he showed his notes to his parents.

Oswald captured him into hug and boy signed 'You're squeezing me' behind his back in hope someone was going to get his message.

* * *

 

''Let me out!'' Oswald yelled in the arrest. ''You've got no claim to keep me in here!''

''Yeah, right, pal,'' Bullock said while reading newspaper. ''Because you haven't sold forged paintings or gotten caught while selling them to some dubious guys at all,'' he put his feet on his desk.

''I demand to be released on bail!''

''Sorry, no bail for re-offenders,'' Harvey didn't even care to take a look at Penguin.

''Says who?'' Oswald crossed his arms.

''Me,'' detective took a sip from his mug.

''Oswald, how nice to see you,'' Gordon greeted him.

''I'm sure you're happy to see me arrested, Jim,'' Oswald scoffed.

''How long are you here?'' commissioner asked.

''Batman delivered him about half an hour ago,'' Harvey muttered behind his newspaper.

''Have you been counseled about your rights? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to talk to a lawyer for advice-'' Jim recited.

''Oh, please, don't mirandise me,'' Oswald leant against bars. ''As I said, I demand to be released on bail.''

''I'm sorry to disappoint you, Oswald, but given your history with criminal activities, you will be remanded in custody,'' Jim put his hands on his hips.

''I've got a kid!'' Oswald pleaded.

''You should have thought about him before committing crimes, Oswald,'' Jim shared another one of his golden thoughts. ''If this makes you feel better, you are not going to Arkham for that, but to Blackgate. How would you like that?''

''Thanks, Jim, you made me feel so much better!''

 

''Cobblepot! You've got a visitor. You've got five minutes,'' a guard said.

''Oswald! What have you got yourself into?'' Edward stepped into Oswald's cell.

''Ed! You don't know how happy I am to see you!'' Oswald was on the edge of tears.

''Can't say I am. What were you thinking?!'' Riddler yelled.

''I'm sorry? Batman took me by suprise. My apprehention was injustified, Ed!'' Oswald cried in his anger.

''You should be more careful then! I'd like to remind you that we are not alone in this anymore!''

''I know! That's why I need to get out! I can't go to Blackgate, especially not in my condition! What if they find out? I don't want to put our child in danger, Ed,'' Oswald grabbed Ed's suit.

''Alright, we'll figure something out. I managed to find good lawyer, we'll get you out of it,'' Ed brushed Oswald's shoulders.

''Yeah, good,'' Oswald nodded, but mostly he wanted to reassure himself. ''OK. And how's Martin?''

''He's a bit worried, but he's fine.''

''And Edward?''

''The dog is fine too,'' Ed sighed. ''Martin took it for a walk.''

''And what about you? How are you doing, Eddie?''

''I've had better days, to be honest,'' Ed sighed and sat down. ''Days when my husband wasn't arrested by some idiotic man dressed as bat.''

Oswald sat on Ed's lap and hid his face in Edward's chest. ''Ed?''

''Yes?'' Nygma asked quietly and softly.

''Take me home,'' he sobbed, his breathing uneven.

''Soon, alright? Soon you'll be home, I promise,'' Ed kissed Oswald's neck.

 

Oswald stood proudly in the courtroom and Ed sat with Martin in the public gallery. It was going to be alright, it had to be alright. Ed put all of his effort in this. There was no point in trying to clear Oswald's name – jury would find him guilty anyway. Everyone knew the infamous Penguin was dangerous crime lord. No, they had to take a differrent approach.

Their lawyer argued that the apprehention was wrongful and evidence was collected incorrectly. It was quite easy thing to prove in Gotham – even though GCPD seemed to work better with Jim as commissioner, it couldn't be fixed completely. Years of professional malpractice and all those corrupted cops that had worked in there couldn't be erased that easily. Oswald was delivered to the GCPD by Batman, so cops had to go to the scene and gather needed informations there. As everone knows, cops are lazy, for sure they had missed something, right? The other thing is that no one noticed when someone from the outside entered the room with evidence... and before forensic scientists had a chance of taking a look at it, it was faulty. Of course prosecutor, jury and judge didn't know that and they didn't need to know that. All they needed to know was that evidence was faulty. The judge ruled that the evidence was inadmissable, so there was no weight of evidence against Oswald. Jury had no other option than finding the defendant not guilty and judge had to acquit Oswald.

Jim was present in the courtroom as well and didn't seem so happy with the verdict. But he knew some people don't change – sooner or later he'll get them. It was just the matter of time.

''I've told you Jim you've got nothing on me,'' Oswald smiled mischievously as he left the courtroom. ''Now excuse me, I have a family to take care of,'' he said and walked towards his relatives. He shared a kiss with his husband and embraced his son.

Jim watched him leave with Nygma and Martin glued to his side. He vaguely heard them talking about ice cream.

 


End file.
